The difference between being alone and being lonely
Actually, the two concepts that need to be differentiated are loneliness and aloneness. Being alone is a choice. A person is left alone when he makes a personal choice to do something alone or to stay alone instead of being with other things or people. However, he can end this loneliness whenever he wants and choose to be with other things or people. The bottom line is that it is a choice or preference. For example, if you have the possibility of living with a roommate but choose not to do so and choose to live in a house by yourself, you will be choosing to be alone. As another example, if your choice is not to have a member of the opposite sex in your life or not to get married, this means choosing to be alone.
Loneliness, on the other hand, is about being alone, staying isolated from other things and people. This is more than a choice, it is a deficiency, inability or inability. It is also a state of deprivation. If you want to be with other things or people but cannot find someone to be with you, you will be lonely. You look for a roommate with whom you want to share the same house, but if you cannot find someone suitable, this turns into loneliness. Again, if we give an example from relationships, if you are looking for a suitable spouse but cannot find someone who meets the characteristics you are looking for, you will be alone. In summary, while being alone is a choice, loneliness is a necessity.
The modernization in the Western world is reflected in many aspects in our country, but this occurs with an average difference of 10-15 years. The main difference is that western societies are more individualistic societies. While Turkish culture had a collective culture (living in a large family) until 30 years ago, it has undergone a change towards individualization in the last 30 years, but as I mentioned, we are neither an individual nor a collective society since we are 10-15 years behind. Turkish people, as a transitional family and transitional individual between the two, are neither completely alone nor are their family ties as strong as before. There are many people who live in nuclear families or alone, but they often go to their families, have dinner at their family's home, and then go home to sleep. Or we had financial problems. Then they still receive free money from their families.
Talking about the loneliness aspect, individuals who choose to live alone in western societies have holiday cultures, book reading habits, going to the cinema or the theater, and generally going out on the weekend and meeting their friends. In our country, most of the people living alone watch TV at home, and very few of them have few hobbies. In other words, while being alone turns into a more enjoyable and preferable thing when experienced in a quality way, in our culture, spending time mainly at home instead of socializing leads to loneliness and a more barren life.
In fact, perhaps the biggest reason for today's loneliness is the masses. are communication tools. Especially TV (which Turkey ranks 2nd in the world in terms of TV viewing time), internet, smartphones and social networking sites distance people from other people and form the basis of loneliness. In a sense, an individual whose mind is distracted and anesthetized by the TV, computer or phone screen can survive with false happiness without the need for a real relationship. We can also think of it this way; You can fill your stomach by eating junk food. Yes, you may feel full, but since your body is not eating healthy, you will experience different health problems in the long term.
One of the most basic characteristics of a healthy person is the social and emotional relationships he establishes with other people. As I mentioned at the beginning, there is no problem as long as you balance the time you spend alone with the quality time you spend with other people. Mountein “loneliness is one's backyard, one day everyone and everything may leave and one may be left alone. For this reason, one should get used to spending a few hours a day alone,” he says.
One of the things that affects psychological health the most is the social support system. If you have people in your close circle with whom you can have fun, share your troubles, and be there for you when you need them, this makes you psychologically stronger. Problems such as depression, anxiety disorders and lack of social skills are more common in people who become lonely.
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