The emotion of anger often brings to mind the destructive behaviors that we should avoid. Even as soon as they hear the word anger, the image of a person who exhibits uncontrollable aggressive and harmful behavior comes to life in the eyes of many people. However, anger should not be that simple and such a scapegoat.
Anger, like all other emotions, is a natural and healthy emotion. In order for the person to protect his rights and to create social relationships in which he can express himself, he should be left a little free.
Let's think about it, if I asked you to draw a picture of anger, what kind of picture would it be? Frowning, clenched teeth, ready to shout, arms outstretched and tense, maybe even hands closed in fists? For example, someone who looks with a smile? Someone crying? Can someone who often answers "I don't know" be feeling angry? From childhood, as a result of a series of experiences related to being understood and understood, individuals begin to choose how to behave when they encounter this feeling and make these behavior patterns a habit. They can express it in different ways depending on the environment they grew up in. They can be expressed in different ways by displaying aggressive behaviors, ignoring or suppressing them by taking a passive position. >
In fact, children's anger behavior has existed since they were first born. The baby that cried when it was born, that tiny body that made a mess when it came to gas pains, found a way to express the feeling of anger. However, since this was an expected situation, most of the parents agreed that this feeling was normal by patting the back, showing compassion and being by their side without any difficulty in creating a solution to calm this behavior expressed with anger. Until the baby grows up, language development begins, and is immersed in exploring the environment and the world.
There is a direct relationship between children's anger behavior and parents' patience. So the boy's angry act As the behavior of the parents increases, the patience of the parents decreases, as the patience of the parents increases, the angry behaviors of the children decrease. The most important element that provides this balance is recognizing emotions and noticing the coming of emotions. And this patience includes not only anger, but all other emotions and all the behaviors that arise from them. Parents who do not have difficulty in recognizing their own emotions become parents who can show the necessary patience for their children to express and experience their emotions. In short, when you can respect his anger and talk about it, you will have the opportunity to tell which behavior is more correct and to teach it.
Children are always right about their feelings! The place where you will intervene is their behavior.
What's so angry about this? Don't you need to be upset? The more you lashed out, what's wrong with that? Want to talk a little bit about what's making you feel angry? When I feel like this, I need something to calm me down, because when I am not calm, I cannot notice how I am treating the other person. I can help you with that."
This is where patience comes into play. Your desire and desire to talk about that emotion and understand your child's feelings creates the desire and desire that he or she will be willing to share with you, she. Individuals who begin to think that they can be understood do not feel intense fear and rush to defend their rights, and therefore they do not have to fight by displaying angry behaviors, I am right, you are wrong. The basic emotion behind the destructive angry behavior that occurs in adulthood is thought distortions structured as I will never be understood and therefore must fight to defend my right. If I don't defend, I will be defeated, I will look helpless, I will be weak, they can control me, I can be harmed. That is, they can express themselves and They do not believe that the person in the person can understand it either.
Another anger behavior that is not destructive to the other side but includes destructiveness towards the person is suppression. Suppressed anger is either tried to be controlled by attacking the person's self, body, self-confidence and motivation, or it appears as the behavior of individuals who are constantly pleasing, overly altruistic, unable to say no and trying to express their anger by directing them to feelings of sadness and anxiety. These passive-aggressive behaviors are unconsciously used to deal with anger. Ignoring, I don't know, I'll do it later, I forgot, the person's reluctant and careless behavior towards the behavior directed at him can be caused by anger. Being offended, being offended, not being able to talk to the person who is the source of the emotion despite complaining while talking to others, and displaying condescending attitudes are also behaviors of anger. It also takes its foundations from childhood.
Anger is a very compelling emotion for children who believe that it will not work to speak their feelings openly, who think that they will be punished if they do so, who do not trust that they will be understood, who think and know that no one cares about their feelings. Many children, who think that the anger they are trying to put in a box and try to remove will disappear, turn into individuals dealing with psychological disorders in adulthood. Health problems appear as typical symptoms accompanied by chronic pain. Family and marital problems, difficulties in business life, obsessions, etc. affect the daily lives of individuals in many areas.
What can be done?
First of all, it is necessary to express your child's feelings correctly. Remember that he needs a calm adult who will listen to him in order to gain the ability to express himself.
By making use of activities suitable for your child's temperament, you can control his emotional state (such as painting) and create concrete spaces for him to express.
Emotional You can strengthen the communication you have with your child by making use of books that support development.
As a parent, you can get support to recognize your own feelings and get closer to them, and you can read books on this subject.
You can help and support both language development and emotional development from a young age with various questions.
You can appreciate positive behaviors by noticing them and increasing your frequency of expressing them. It will make her feel important emotionally.
Staying away from critical and condescending attitudes, arranging the spoken language in a way that is suitable for her age will make it easier for her to talk to you. Remember, it may not be important to you, but it is important to him.
How the problems in the family are resolved is very important. The way parents express their feelings directly affects children. For this reason, keeping in mind that your child will have the characteristics of the family he grew up in, getting the necessary help will benefit both you and your child.
Instead of covering things up, offering a chance to make amends by talking in a quiet time will also allow them to cope with feelings of guilt and regret.
Being patient and willing, spending time alone and checking what you watch on devices such as TV, phone, tablet, and sharing it as an example when something catches your attention are among the things you can do to support your emotional development.
Apart from these and perhaps the most important; As a parent, you must first provide the necessary support to your inner child and let him or her help you to control your own stress. You actually know how your child is feeling, all you have to do is remember him and teach him how to deal with these feelings on this path called growing up.
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