Woman: Shall we go out this evening?
Man: We only went out 15 days ago, I'm sorry, but I'm tired. Like every day. We can't go to your mothers every day. p>
Man: What will happen, I don't want anything other than them leaving us alone. ….
It is inevitable for marriages where such dialogues prevail to end.
So what are "Marital Conflict and Solutions"? Even in healthy and happy families, conflicts may occur from time to time. The process of conflict, argument and then finding a solution in every marriage is in the nature of every relationship and is a normal situation. But; Unhealthy families
cannot develop conflict resolution skills. Families with unhealthy family structure
cannot turn crises into opportunities and cannot resolve their conflicts. The most important factor in healthy marriages is not that they do not have arguments and conflicts in their marriages, but that they are able to resolve the arguments they experience and have the skills to resolve their conflicts. Otherwise,
the accumulation of constant arguments and unresolved conflicts within the family will cause the family to decrease over time
the bond in their marriage and lose the satisfaction they get from their marriage;
increasing the stress factor in people, It causes deterioration in family and marital functions.
A conflicting marriage life reduces people's commitment and trust to each other;
It affects individuals such as depression, anxiety disorders, substance use and sexual problems
p>
It can be the cause of many problems, as well as behavioral problems in children and adolescents
However, the problems and conflict situations experienced can be used positively in order to overcome the problems and improve the relationship
. Long-term relationships are not conflict-free couples
It is a result of couples who have the ability to resolve conflicts.
Did You Notice the Vicious Circle in the Sample Dialogue Between Husband and Wife?
E One of the employees perceives himself as being criticized. A defensive style was adopted due to the language used and the communication established without understanding.
The other party perceives itself as being criticized and judged.
He gives a defensive answer. As the defensive communication continues, the level of conflict increases.
Even if one of the spouses thinks that they are being criticized and is disturbed by this, the vicious circle ends when they respond by putting themselves in their spouse's shoes
. There was a dialogue between the couple in which the importance of you language and I language in communication was understood.
Do You Also Use These Discussion Patterns?
• You always do this anyway. .
• You always get what you say..
• You always do what you want..
• I'm warning you for the last time..
• Who is the head of this house? You or me?
• You always think you're right. .
What are the skills that must be possessed to deal with marital conflicts?
How couples end the problems and conflicts they experience in relationships is also an important issue
. The way the arguments end determines whether the couple perceives the problem as solved or whether they carry the problem for a long time. If you have arguments in your relationship;
Submission - Giving in: One of the parties unwillingly accepts the other's ideas.
Abandonment: Leaving the conflict unresolved without reaching any compromise
. Leaving the problem unresolved.
Withdrawal and silence: Avoiding discussion or leaving the discussion unfinished (such as remaining silent and not listening). If it ends, it usually means that the problem cannot be solved.
But;
Open Communication: Often when couples argue, they do not actually listen to what each other says
. Instead of trying to understand what each other is saying, their minds may be busy thinking about what they will say when the other person remains silent. During the debate, they may act with the prejudice that they need to refute each other's ideas or that one of them must come out victorious in every debate.
The important points in open communication are as follows:
• I do not try to read minds. white; Listen carefully to your partner so that he can express his ideas.
•Maintain a positive attitude during the discussion; Try to stay away from blame and criticism.
•Trying to understand why the other person might think this way, even if you disagree with him/her.
You should also be able to look at the issue from his/her perspective.
•Try to respect the other person's opinions even if you disagree.
Controlling Negative Thoughts: During the discussion, spouses move away from the main subject
If they focus on each other's shortcomings and weaknesses, the argument becomes increasingly painful and
disturbing. For this reason, spouses need to learn to control their thoughts about each other. In addition, it is important for the health of the relationship that they choose to express their thoughts in the most positive way, even if they are negative.
Forgiveness: In every marriage, from time to time, spouses feel hurt due to conflicts. >and feelings of resentment may occur. If spouses place the commitment they feel to each other on the basis of their emotions, this keeps their relationship strong and makes it easier for them to forgive each other. If conflict
situations cannot be resolved with understanding and forgiveness, it is not possible for the bond of mutual love in the relationship
to develop. All events that happen will be left behind over time. It is the person's choice to keep them alive in the mind
. Focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship and the current moment is always a healthier way.
Problem Solving Skill: Couples approach their problems in a critical manner and say “you and me
They were able to develop a mutually supportive relationship by not adopting the "against each other" approach.
They approach their problems with "team spirit". In fact, this is a common need of both parties in all discussions: to feel that they can fully express themselves to the other person and be understood by the other person. The important thing here is to give up the "you-me" conflict and to be able to be "we" and to reach a common conclusion at the end of the discussion.
Do not forget; Problem You do not have marriage. There are couples who can successfully solve their problems in their marriage or who need to improve their problem-solving skills.
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