You are stuck in the middle of life. However, life goes on. All your memories, beliefs and hopes are exhausted. You're afraid to think one step ahead. However, when you open the window and look, life continues at full speed. You wonder, are you the only one experiencing this despair? You look at people's faces with curiosity to see the traces of pain. However, how comfortable and carefree they are. Obviously, you are the one who bears all the burden of the world and feels all its pain. For that moment, you believe this wholeheartedly and feel completely helpless. You say it won't happen like this; I need a milestone. Starting over…
Getting rid of everything; fears, anxieties, impossibilities. So, is this possible? How likely is it for a person to get back on their feet when they feel all their resources have been exhausted? The other day, I started to question all of these again with an e-mail from a client with whom I worked together for a long time. My client was telling me what he did under the influence of our sessions to get rid of years of psychological, social and financial difficulties. It was one of the most intense moments of gratitude I have experienced in my professional life, the gratitude of touching someone's life and being there at a point that pushed them to change and even a transformation. Of course, it is not possible for me to share my client's "liberation" story due to his privacy. But I know that there are many life stories that involve this fierce struggle. You may be a worker who has been sweating in the service sector under inhumane conditions while waiting for years to be appointed, or you may be the caregiver spouse of someone who has an incurable disease even though there is no financial difficulty. You may be someone who has experienced great losses at a very early age, who has been left without a family or home, or someone who feels constantly despised and exploited in a large family. You may be an art enthusiast who could not realize his dreams and ideals and was forced to work in a call center, or you may be someone who yearned to become a doctor but experienced professional burnout under the conditions you worked in. The stories differ, unfortunately, human fatigue and helplessness remain.
Many of the clients say that when they come to us, they have tried to resist the difficulties they experienced for a long time with their own methods and turned to professional help as a last resort. They state that they find they receive basic support. I also think that these efforts are very understandable and even necessary. What I think is right is not about waiting until you run out, it is about trying and making mistakes and confirming your need for a starting point. Realistically, getting psychotherapy support is not something that is easily accessible for our country - and even for many countries. Of course, I mean mostly the financial aspect. Because the cost of psychotherapy, which continues with weekly meetings, can reach amounts approaching the minimum wage. Even if a person has no financial difficulties, allocating such a budget may seem like a luxury. In fact, the costs of the problems a person experiences in terms of professional, social and family processes are much higher. However, it is not easy for someone who feels depressed and crushed under the burden of life to make this judgment. This seems understandable to me. I often encounter people who are very interested in popular psychology saying, "Actually, everyone in this country needs therapy," as if they are praising the mental health professional in front of them. At the risk of angering my colleagues, I do not agree with this proposition at all. If the person's problems do not impair his/her vital functionality and do not pose a threat to himself or others, not everyone has to receive therapy (excluding cases that may require a clinical diagnosis). Psychotherapy is essential at points where the person's developmental history, ego strength, cognitive mechanisms, and social support networks do not function properly.
We do not have to stand like iron in the face of life's difficulties. We can bend and twist. Unfortunately, this spiritual flexibility does not come with the package program at birth. It is learned first within the special relationship established with the mother and then within the relational network created by the third parties involved. We may feel like a child who has reached the age of 30 but has not developed any of these mechanisms, and whose balloon is taken away from him at every life event. At this point, the following awareness is important; The values, truths and mechanisms that brought me this far no longer work. There's obviously something that needs updating; Life tells me to change, it doesn't work like this. However, I can't do anything but get angry at myself, others, and life. I can't get support from anyone, I don't feel close to anyone, I'm scared. A voice inside me scolds me: Who told you that life was fair and who promised you a rose garden? It is certain that life is not a safe ground designed in line with our pleasures and desires. Adult life is not a mother's lap either. A structure that forces, erodes and discourages us. But we have a chance in this uncontrolled reality. That chance is to feel our self-worth. We may not have been valued, understood, or found a shoulder for years. This may also be something that cannot be compensated for. So, even if we strengthen ourselves, this worthlessness may arise again and again in a new life event. This is a reality that is very difficult to fight and come to terms with. One of the most effective ways to cope is to hold on to life and what belongs to life every time we feel empty and lonely.
Freud says that the cornerstones of life are to love and work. This is where my client's strength, which I mentioned at the beginning, was able to come out of nothingness and attempt to build a new life came from. Believing not in life but in yourself. Knowing how to face the obstacles that come your way and move forward with baby steps. Strive to be a feeling, loving, productive person. A person who is discouraged does not initiate change with great enthusiasm.
It is so impossible to even get up with that burden on him. At this point, a person who establishes a real relationship with him - which is the relationship that heals him in therapy - be it his therapist, his friend, his parents, his colleague or even a stranger who suddenly enters his life, can germinate his self-worth. Although this is just the beginning, it is the building block of the resurrection. What comes next is production, because production is transfer. For example, dealing with painting, music, art, taking a foreign language course, or volunteering will lead to production. What is produced and reproduced is actually the self. There is actually contact behind seemingly insignificant actions. When you are tired in life, the last thing you want may seem like contact. However, life compensates for what is related to life. Our family, friends, social networks, and colleagues will often not notice the disconnection within us. Even though no one knows, it is possible to repair those disconnections and reconnect. To change, to enrich, to produce, to believe and to move forward. For a new milestone…
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