Before getting married, ask yourself this question: 'Can I talk to this person for the rest of my life?' Everything else in marriage is temporary.
Knowing the life cycle of the family and the individual is very important in creating hypotheses during the family counseling process. Knowing which life cycle the individual is in, knowing the developmental periods required by that period, and managing the counseling process by looking at what physical, cognitive, affective, social and spiritual characteristics the individual is experiencing in that period allows us to carry out a healthy counseling process. First of all, we can look at the characteristics of the age period, as it is a period in which the child should be in the age range, what skills he will have, and financial freedom. Since there are "child brides" under the age of 18 in our country, especially in rural areas, and male adolescents who marry at the age of 15, we also wanted to touch upon the characteristics of the 12-18 age period.
According to Ericson's Psychosocial development period; Identity confusion versus identity acquisition is seen between the ages of 12-18.
Adolescence is a period when individuals try to get rid of the influence of their parents. During this period, the adolescent's ability to make free choices and develop an identity compatible with his own abilities is closely related to the characteristics that an adult should have.
Again, gender role, social role and career choice are three important factors affecting this period. Isolation or distance versus closeness are characteristics of the ages of 18 – 30; It leads to the ability to establish close relationships with others, to take on duties and responsibilities, and to establish a family.
The World Health Organization has accepted those over the age of 24 as adults.
In many societies, the beginning of adulthood is defined by completing school age and getting a job. However, being an adult varies from culture to culture and society to society for various segments of society.
Since adulthood includes not one but many experiences, everyone's understanding of adulthood may differ significantly.
An adult is a person who has reached biological reproductive age, legally, It can also be defined as the age at which a person reaches the age of adulthood, socially assumes adult roles, and psychologically feels himself an adult, takes responsibility for managing his own life, and feels ready to make his own decisions.
After all these expressions, we can define an adult as follows: He is an individual who has completed his physical and spiritual development in a way that he can produce in order to sustain his own and others' lives and can make the necessary decisions on his own by the society he lives in.
Pre-Marriage (II)
As an adult gets older, he has to change his roles and therefore his expectations. Havighurst calls this "Developmental tasks". Developmental assignments; These are tasks that, if accomplished at a certain period of an individual's life, lead to the individual's happiness and success in subsequent tasks, and if not accomplished, they lead to the individual's unhappiness, social disapproval, and difficulty in subsequent tasks.
It is seen that premarital programs are not used in our country as they are widely used in the West. . In fact, these programs help people face possible situations when choosing a spouse, increase awareness, and cope more easily with problems that may arise after marriage. In pre-marriage programs, it is desired to provide certain knowledge and skills. These; communication, family background, problem solving, decision making, preparing the family budget, expectations from marriage, beliefs and values.
For married couples; When they come to counseling and they don't know the roles, boundaries, rules, responsibilities
I ask the following question: What is a parent according to you?
What is an individual?
What is a spouse? I will consider each of these definitions separately.
Because the spouses' definition of mother, father, wife will also be reflected in their own families.
Marriage is a system that is crowned with joint decisions, taking responsibility, love, affection, sharing, sexuality and of course children.
If the person does not realize his own actions and does not assume his responsibilities sufficiently and perhaps understands what his responsibilities are. If he doesn't know, there may be some problems between couples.
A An individual who values his/her spouse can realize the mistakes he/she made in marriage and correct them. Did I invest only in myself?
Did you take responsibility in this house?
How did I contribute to the house rent, installments, and kitchen expenses of the house?
Did I spend quality time with my wife? All of these cause the marriage to be more dynamic, productive and full of love.
While some families have problems, some families have a sense of belonging and unity, apart from minor problems.
The reason for this is It is an environment where spouses fulfill their responsibilities, duties and roles well and spread love to their homes and surroundings. Marriages where love and sexuality are good and economically well managed are happy marriages.
Of course, this means happy children and a happy extended family.
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