In my previous article, I talked about the negative effects of divorce on children. In this week's article, I would like to talk about what we can do to reduce the negative effects of divorce on children. First of all, the decision to divorce should be explained to the child at an age-appropriate level, without turning it into a traumatic process, and when the parents are ready. One of the factors that will enable us to reduce the negative effects that may occur on the child is that this decision is made by the parents together and that they leave it by agreement. It should be noted that the parents did not get along from time to time and therefore decided to live separately, but he could stay with both of them whenever he wanted and see both of them whenever he wanted, and the situation of being a parent would not change. It should be noted that this situation did not cause any decrease in their love for him. Because every child wants to be the fruit of love when we look at it, and thinking that the parents do not love each other can create a different perception such as "they do not love me anymore" or "I am the child of two people who do not love each other, how can they love me...". In this case, it should be noted that being a parent is not like that, it continues throughout life, they will not give up on them throughout their life and they will always be in their life. It should be emphasized that the parents do not agree on certain issues rather than their love for each other has ended or that they are angry with each other. In addition, it should be noted that neither the mother nor the father made an individual decision regarding the separation decision, they decided on this situation together, there is no obvious culprit. Otherwise, the child may blame his mother or father or himself for the separation. This situation may cause angry behavior. All of these are a starting point that can reduce the negative effects associated with separation. r. Apart from these, the fact that the child's existing living conditions and quality of life do not change is another factor that can reduce the negative effects. One of the biggest mistakes made is that during the time the child stays with his mother or father, the mother or father, especially the elders of the family, will tell the child negative things about the mother or father, accuse the other party of the separation, and give the child ideas and even responsibilities regarding reconciliation. Because in this case, the child will no longer be in the role of being a child and will be placed in the position of an adult who is under the burden of fulfilling an important task and responsibility expected from him, and the situation is not a situation that the child can handle psychologically. If a party wants to make peace, trying to use the child to get information about the other party or giving the child responsibilities in order to meet with the other party is one of the most dangerous and wrong things that can be done. Please, dear parents, I would like to warn you to avoid this situation. If you have any message to the other party, please express it yourself, not through the child. Apart from this, when family elders or people around ask, "Do you love your mother or your father?" There may be questions such as these that are completely repulsive, absurd and force the child to make a choice. Please keep your child away from such conversations and warn people who talk like this. After paying attention to all these, it would be correct to make consistent decisions between the parents regarding the child's new life conditions. Consistency in the rules such as the child's study time and bedtime during the periods when the child stays with the mother and father will ensure that the child is at an equal distance from his mother and father and will preserve the trust relationship between them. For example, haft If a child who stays with his mother all the time and only studies and has to go to bed early because he has school the next day, stays with his father on the weekend, spends time with games and entertainment, away from classes, and does not pay attention to bedtime, the child may prefer his father rather than staying with his mother and this situation may occur. You may start using it in a negative way. Such a situation will prevent the child from spending effective time with the mother. Or doing whatever you want in order not to further upset a child who is already thought to be upset about the separation will cause him/her to push boundaries. What children of divorced parents need most is a relationship of balance and trust. For this reason, parents need to talk together and decide on the arrangements for the child's life and explain them to the child. Parents should share the responsibilities regarding the child equally and by agreement. Otherwise, this relationship cannot be achieved. Apart from these, when a decision is to be made regarding the child's life, coming together on special occasions in the child's life such as birthdays and graduations and seeing the child's parents still in contact is one of the factors that can reduce the negative effects. The divorce process is a process that requires sensitivity, especially for the child, and getting support from an expert for parents on this issue will contribute to the more positive development of the process.
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