The thought of "I didn't live, let my child live" is the reason for unhappiness!
Today, with the increase in the level of education, the number of working mothers has increased. Families with increasing economic power now spend more money on their children and spend less time on them. Especially as families become increasingly financially stronger, the idea of "I didn't survive, let my child survive" is at the center of families' lives, and they spare no expense for their children. However, this attitude causes children who are not happy, dissatisfied, do not know what they want, and individuals who will face many psychological problems in the future.
At this point, we have a few things to say. Like every parent, you want your children to be happy. Especially if you couldn't buy the red boots or car of your dreams when you were his age, if your father or mother didn't hug you very much, if you couldn't study in a private school, or if you couldn't buy everything you wanted when you went to the market.
There's no problem so far. However, the seemingly innocent sentence“I couldn't live, let my child live, let him/her not lack anything” later causes serious behavioral disorders.
How? >
- The child who always has everything he wants becomes unhappy, unsatisfied and restless. He cannot know exactly what will make him happy. Because before he realizes the value of what he has, another warner comes his way. This time, he turns to her, but gets tired of her as quickly as the others. Then you say "When I was your age, it was difficult to find a car, why don't you appreciate it, son, and don't thank me?"
- Your behavior and your words should go in parallel. "You study for yourself, not for us, dear." while you say, you also get worried when he sits down for two minutes late for his homework, and if he gets good grades, you immediately buy him the best gift and compare him with other children. You give the impression that he/she is working for you, and when he/she fails, the child feels serious guilt.
- At the same time, this means taking on your child's responsibilities rather than him/her. Always back Why should he sit down and start doing his homework or tidying his room when there are people pushing him? For example, you can do it on the last evening so that your child, who still hasn't done the performance homework given 1 month ago, doesn't get upset or gets low grades, or on the day of the report card, you can get very excited and run from him and take his grades.
- Don't let your child be your only concern. If your only focus in life is your child, all your concerns, expectations and anger will be on their side. It would not be a very useful idea to expect him to achieve what you cannot do or your dreams. Your child tells you: "I will study the department I want, I will not choose the profession you want." When he says , you can't make sense of it, you get devastated.
- When you give too much, that is, when you plan everything on his behalf and grow it in a glass bowl, he wants something in return. You don't want to wait. When you get married, you cannot get along with your spouse or you will scold the teacher who is angry with you.
- One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to be of one voice. If one parent sets another rule for the child and the other breaks it with an opposing sentence, the authority is broken and the child experiences anxiety. Remember that you are two different people. Therefore, you cannot think of everything the same. However, you have only one common project and that is your child. That's why you have to be one voice on that issue.
- Consistency is very important. When your child asks for the next doll at the toy store, you first say, "What did we agree on, we just came for a walk today, I won't buy a toy." The child whines once, you explain and say "No way". Ten times you whine, cry, say “I want” and say “No”. You insist, shout, and get angry thirty times and say, "We can't get along with you as long as you want with such anger." You cry fifty times, even start hitting things, and say, "Well, that's the way we go then." In the fifty-first time, it overflows and says: "You have disgraced me, okay, take it!" When you say , all those rules, attitude, authority, respect are reset.
- Child. Give yourself responsibility. This doesn't have to be a big thing. For example, let it be his duty not to neglect the water of a flower or your cat. First, teach him by doing it together for a while, then his self-confidence will increase with the little responsibility he has.
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