The family we are born into, starting from early childhood, is of great importance in determining the person we become. This process dates back to the baby's reaction to the way the mother is weaned. We learn through observation, especially in early childhood, and begin to carry the traces of our families by imitating our parents without realizing it. This is how the behaviors we are accustomed to, such as being loved, abandoned, establishing a trusting relationship, or, on the contrary, avoiding, develop. The behaviors we observe and learn at home develop and determine our reactions to the relationships we will establish in adulthood. We can say that the traumas experienced during childhood, neglect, violence and, on the contrary, establishing a secure bond relationship are the determining building blocks of our future relationships. If parents make their children feel the basic sense of love and trust and approach their existence as individuals with respect, we can say that these children will approach their future relationships in a healthy way, without fear of establishing a bond of trust and love. A child who has received these two basic emotions from infancy will not develop hunger or fear for these emotions in adulthood. Since they do not experience a lack of love, they do not consider their partners as mother/father figures in their relationships. On the contrary, a child who has grown up neglecting love and care and therefore has not learned to establish a bond of trust may want to obtain satisfaction from these two basic emotions in other people in their own relationships. This is not a conscious ongoing desire. This feeling, which we can now define as an internalized emptiness, may push children to find partners similar to their parents in later life. If this person is a man, he may develop feelings for a woman whom he likens to his mother. Although this feeling exists very similar to love, underlying this similarity may lie the hunger for love and attention that cannot be received from the mother. Likewise, we can consider a different example of a girl who has not received the feelings of attention and love from her father, developing feelings for a man similar to her father. A person falls in love with someone who will not give him the attention he could not get from his family, and hopes to find it in that person. This lack of emotion, which continues from childhood, can create a vicious circle in romantic relationships. This situation, which is called repetition compulsion in psychoanalysis, leads to a dead end in relationships. The person makes similar choices and then probably ends the relationship.
So how else can a child who has not received the bond of love and trust, the two basic emotions we mentioned, react other than seeking these two emotions? With avoidance. Although some children continue to look for these two emotions in other people, others internalize these emotions and avoid establishing relationships. Close relationships can be foreign and therefore scary to them. While it is very difficult to develop a sense of trust, they may approach the bond of love with suspicion. People prefer emotions that they know and are accustomed to. Lack of trust affects not only romantic relationships but also relationships with work/friendship/other family members. The trust and love that a child receives or does not receive from his or her parents can be revealed through these behavioral patterns in romantic relationships. Therefore, the basis of a healthy love relationship comes from the love and trust gained within the family.
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