'Married, Happy, with Children'
It is everyone's dream; To find your soulmate and build a happy home. Being a wife, husband, mother, father are always in an important place in our minds. Young girls are worried about getting married with a beautiful wedding dress, and young men are worried about preparing a beautiful bridal car.
Everyone wants to love. He wants to be loved, to value, to be valued. He wants to be one with two different worlds, to be whole. Everyone wants to share life. Everyone looks for a shoulder to lean on during difficult times and a companion to hold their hand when they fall.
While all these dreams are going on, suddenly you realize that moment comes. The person you have been looking for for years is here. Just like that, a marriage rush begins. This process is sometimes stressful, sometimes happy, and sometimes tiring. The problems start when it's not even been a year since we got married, and that's where our movie ends.
You must have heard these words from many people;
- ' It was never like this before we got married. He's changed a lot.'
- 'I never knew him.'
- 'We were never meant for each other.'
So what's going on? How can our life partner, whom we have been looking for with so much expectation and excitement, suddenly change so much?
Actually, not much has changed. As they say, love makes people blind, this is partly what we are experiencing. We get so excited about getting married and starting a family that first of all,
- 'What kind of person am I?'
- 'What kind of person should the person I marry be?'
- ' What do I expect from a marriage?'
- 'What kind of spouse is in the mind of the person I will marry? Do I fit into this?'
- 'Is marriage in our minds the same thing?' We don't even think of questions like these.
- So why?
Because we have grown up, we have reached a certain age and we are constantly asked ' When is marriage? > There is a large mass of people and their social pressure that overwhelms you with questions and sentences such as "Isn't there someone you are seeing?", "It's all right for you".
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And also, "Oh my daughter/son, what is love like in our time? There is an aunt/uncle team that says 'find something and marry someone'. May God not give them any trouble.
In short, let's come to the main topic: 'How should a healthy marriage be and be maintained?'
Sa� The most important thing for a healthy marriage is healthy communication. How happy can a couple be who cannot have satisfactory conversations with each other, who do not want to understand each other or even listen to each other, and who constantly blame each other for problems?
Of course not!
Therefore, we need to establish healthy communication in our marriage. We must know how to listen. However, this listening is not with the thought of 'how should I respond to what he says', but 'what does he want to tell me? What does he have a problem with?' It should be realized with the idea. Otherwise, this will turn into a discussion, not a listening session. Maybe to a fight.
Another important communication error occurs in the communication language we use. If our communication language contains content such as insults, sarcasm, accusations and humiliation, we can never come to the same point with our spouse and cannot look at the problem from the same perspective. Because when we use such language, the other person may feel worthless, unloved, misunderstood, oppressed, guilty or overly defensive and cannot listen to or understand your attention. For example, when a gentleman says to his wife, 'Are you an idiot, why do you put the towels on this shelf?', his wife will focus on the fact that he called her a 'idiot' rather than the gentleman being uncomfortable with where the towels are placed, and the conversation required to solve this problem will be He who cannot catch his style will not be able to solve the problem. However, if this gentleman had said to his wife, "Honey, you put the towels on this shelf, but I can't do my job, can you put them on the bottom shelf next time?", his wife would focus on the problem regarding the location of the towels and find an answer or solution accordingly.
Sharing emotions and closeness is another important issue for the health of marriage. Strangely, couples who always exhibit behaviors and attitudes that show their love, emotions and interest towards their partners before marriage, experience regression in this regard after their marriage. The flowers that come with the words "I love you" turn into "What did you cook this evening, lady?" Here, I bought you 1 kg of oranges. Or when women who wait for their loved ones get married, they turn into women who open the door sullenly to their husbands who knock on the door and do not even say welcome. However, sharing emotions in marriage increases relationship satisfaction. It is very necessary for mu. When spouses express the feelings they feel towards each other, they have the opportunity to understand each other better and experience sharing, which increases their closeness to each other. For example, let's think of a couple, the gentleman had a very stressful day at work and came home angry. When he couldn't find the remote control, he angrily said to his wife
'I can't find where I put this crap'
What do you think this gentleman's wife should do in this situation?
1) Can't you see there? Are you blind man? Should I say
2) Dear, the remote control is on the sofa. You are angry today, did something upset you? should say
The answer is clear. 1.While the answer will create a full discussion environment
The answer is clear. 2.It is an answer that expresses that the lady wants to listen to her husband, wants to know his feelings, understand him, and cares about his wife.
In order to avoid conflict in our marriage, it is an answer to understand the feelings and thoughts of the other party or to understand our own feelings and thoughts about the issue we are having problems with. We need to express it clearly for the purpose of solution.
Marriage, which brings with it many responsibilities, requires sharing of responsibilities. That's why wedding officers always ask: 'Do you agree to marry your spouse for a lifetime, in good times, in bad times, in sickness and in health?'.
This sentence seems to indicate loyalty. Even though it expresses itself, the underlying message is this; Do you agree to buy it?'
Then we shout with joy ' Evvvvveeeettt' . Applause comes our way.
It's not as innocent as we heard, is it?
Yes, responsibilities should be clearly defined in a healthy marriage and can be flexible when necessary. If we are very strict about responsibilities and do not change responsibilities when necessary, our new conflict issue will be good for us. Or instead of shared responsibilities Let's say 'hello' to the problems that will result if this is not done.
To summarize in general; For a happy, healthy marriage, we must first know ourselves and determine what we want to have a marriage about. In the next period, we should get to know our partner and try to understand whether we have the same marriage expectations. We need to clearly state what kind of spouse role you see your partner in your marriage, what responsibilities you can take on, and learn his/her thoughts. Of course, love is very important in marriage, but what is more important is that we need to acquire the skills of living together and we need to care about this issue as much as love and affection. After marriage, the way we communicate, our communication language, whether we fulfill our responsibilities or not, sharing our feelings and trying to understand your partner's feelings are very important points for our relationship.
In short;
Love, Listen, understand your spouses.
Aim to make them happy rather than upsetting them or putting them in their place.
Remember, people are as happy as they make them happy.
And finally;
' What was love? Love was a caring friend, a warm human hand, human labor. Love was goodness, love was labor... /p>
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