The number of marriages that started with dreams and hopes but ended in disappointment in a short time is increasing today. Considering the factors affecting this increase; Attributing this to only one of the spouses or only one outcome that ends the marriage; It is focusing on one side of the coin and is an incomplete perspective.
Deciding to leave because he holds the television remote in one hand, tucks his socks between the sofa, or cannot cook very well; These are presented by the spouses as reasons for ending the marriage; But this sea of marriage is not as shallow as it seems.
In the house games that children play when they are little; Roles and expectations are shaped by girls taking on the role of mothers and boys taking on the role of men of the house. When they reach the same age, families give contradictory guidance to their children depending on their gender. It is said that the age when a girl is told that it is time to get married is too early for a boy and that she should get her job and financial situation in order. Society's expectations and the dreams that families have for their children determine the meanings attributed to marriage, even though the determined "ideal marriage age" varies according to culture and family structure.
Expectations and parallel attitudes and behaviors are different even when preparing for marriage. While the girls grapple with the smallest details in their wedding dress, wedding and honeymoon trio; Men get tired of thinking about the expenses of marriage preparations and wedding expenses.
This situation shapes men and women on a different basis and creates different expectations. Before marriage, the expectations of the spouses and the meaning they attach to marriage may differ from each other; Details that are not necessary to be discussed between couples can later lead to a deadlock in marriages. Having realistic expectations strengthens the foundation of the relationship and is a determining factor for harmony and happiness in marriage. Another point that is overlooked is; Your marriage is not an end like in the movies; In fact, it is a beginning.
''IT CHANGE WHEN YOU MARRY''
''I CAN CHANGE IT'' UTOPIA…
The family values, spousal roles and rituals that each person observes and is familiar with while growing up are different. It is unrealistic to expect two people who grew up in different environments to have the same perspective and react the same to events.
However, the noticed contradictions and behaviors that seem meaningless to each other are put aside with the belief that they will change after marriage. The effort made to adapt by accepting being different as natural before marriage; It gives way to criticism in marriage. Before getting married, they emphasized the messages to each other that they were good and loved as they are now; After marriage, every behavior becomes noticeable.
It is necessary to accept differences as natural and treat them as richness. Spouses need to create new rules, boundaries and style of the family they have just created.
Spouses learn from each other over time; For example, a spouse who is very impatient may experience a change by learning to be calmer than the other. At this point, being open to change is a very important factor. However, shaping a person in line with his own truths and wishes and trying to transform him into a completely different person is no different than wasting time.
NOT COMMUNICATION KILLS LOVE, NOT MARRIAGE!
What causes the gap between spouses in marriages; It is a change in the communication style at the beginning of the relationship. Spouses not listening to each other over time, anticipating what they will say while talking, and reading minds spoils the pleasure of bilateral conversations.
Using events or conversations within the extended family as weapons against each other later is one of the mistakes that causes a great blow to the relationship. Displaying an accusatory attitude by constantly using you language pushes the other party to defend.
Decreasing respect without paying attention to what is expressed while speaking and the accusatory tone; The fact that spouses do not hesitate to hurt each other causes the love and excitement between them to die.
FORGETTING TO BE AN INDIVIDUAL WHEN MARRIED
After the time you spent separately during your dating process, Moments have much more value and meaning. Even if you don't realize it, you create an opportunity to miss each other. When you put the activities you do with your friends, the hours you spend on your own, going to the gym, the times you spend with your own family in a frame such as the fact that whatever you do when you get married should be done together with your spouse, the movie starts to turn upside down. Spouses should respect each other's space and allow each other to create individual space. Spouses are occasionally involved in each other's interests; women can play computer / play-station games or watch football with their husbands; Men can also watch a love movie and accompany you while shopping. Respecting each other's interests and being curious increases the closeness in the relationship.
Just as it is important for spouses to spend time together and do activities they enjoy together, it is equally important for them to spend time separately. Even if you are married, being a separate individual should not be forgotten and the care that a person gives to himself should continue for himself. Spending time apart during marriage also increases the tolerance level of spouses towards each other.
Read: 0
