As a continuation of my last two articles, I would like to conclude the subject of Couple Therapy in this article. First of all, we have mentioned the requirements for starting couple therapy and that generally, if we are contacted, it is examined within the framework of a system and the responsibility is shared between both couples. We said that problems within the relationship are clues for us and are treated as signs or symptoms.
In the second part of the article, we talked a little more about the reasons why couples come to us. Dissatisfaction, high and unrealistic expectations, lack of tolerance for change, inability to cope with family distress and trauma, infidelity and similar emotional dissatisfaction; We mentioned that problems such as non-constructive but destructive communication may contribute to the increase in divorce rates. As another of these reasons, we mentioned that the problems arising from the person's own structural and personality pattern are reflected on his/her spouse and the relationships around him/her. Today, I would like to elaborate on this subject a little more.
We can roughly explain this concept, which we call personality structure, also called personality pattern, as follows: our personality begins to be built from a very young age, becomes stereotyped around the age of 5, and affects the person's emotional, intellectual and We can call it the name given to all the features it displays behaviorally. What we call a person's characteristics are permanent, identifiable, predictable and fixed. It can be explained as the situation that occurs when a person's characteristics change (inconsistency) with the emergence of a personality disorder, creating adaptation problems in his environment and relationships, and creating a subjective problem. Since people with a personality disorder or personality problem cannot observe their surroundings objectively and cannot make sense of them, they tend to think that other people, not themselves, are responsible for the problems with their environment, and they tend to wait for the outside world to adapt to them instead of changing themselves. They perceive events for themselves and in their own way, and they judge other people accordingly. That's why they often fail to communicate with people in a healthy way because of what they have written in their minds or because they act with perceptual distortions. It becomes increasingly difficult for them to establish friendships and relationships.
Factors that contribute to the formation of what we call personality; Temperament-like elements from childhood, family's attitude and upbringing, cultural elements, nervous system development, environment, biological factors, and subconscious elements that we call psychoanalysis constitute our whole.
What we call personality disorder may not be a fatal disorder, but it is its own. It is not a diagnosis that we can make on our own. To receive this diagnosis, people must undergo a very thorough psychiatric and psychological examination. At this point, it is essential that you carefully evaluate the competence and qualifications of the mental health specialist you consult and that the specialist is reliable.
So, when we consider the issue as a couple, what should be done for the problems that are triggered by the personality problems of one of the couples and are difficult to resolve? As I just said, when couples come to us, we see them not individually but together as a system structure and handle the sessions in this way. However, if one of the couples has accumulations related to the trauma he/she has previously experienced and reflects this to his/her spouse, or if there is difficulty in perceiving events and emotions due to personality problems, then we recommend that that spouse simultaneously start individual therapy to gain insight and awareness about his/her problems. He takes an important step for both himself and his relationship. Don't misunderstand this at all; It is not the case that one partner has a personality disorder and the other spouse is completely innocent or ineffective. The point here is that sometimes some problems arising from a person's own past and structure can be triggered in the future, and it is necessary to resolve this once and for all in order to prevent this problem from occurring again. Spouses should support each other in this regard and, if necessary, inform themselves. Allowing the cyclical repetition of behaviors to be broken will again be two-sided. The importance of communication increases here because it will be very useful to make the other party feel understanding and, most importantly, that trust and to make them feel that they are not alone in this process.
So, while the spouses continue their own therapy individually, they can also receive couple therapy as a couple. They can continue. There is no harm in it.
Key words: divorce, solution-oriented thinking, cognitive therapy, treatment, therapy, positive thinking, awareness, psychology, soul, body, mind, unhappiness, depression, anxiety, symptom, personality , character, marriage, cheating, individual therapy, mind, family, support, social support, spouse problems
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