WARNING: Although this article does not give the message of feeling the positive energy in the air and looking at everything positively, it is dangerous for those who are not ready to face their emotions. While reading this article, you have the right to take the parts you want and forget the ones you do not want as soon as you close the page.
As you know, from the moment a person is born, he carries many characteristics from his family genetics. For example, some of us have straight hair, some of us have curly hair. While some of us have green eyes, some have blue eyes. In short, many physiological characteristics are encoded in our genetic structure from the moment we are born. The situation is similar in the emotional dimension. We are born with emotional cores from the moment we are born. (This is not a proven core structure in the brain structure, I will give an example just to make it easier for you to understand the subject and to talk about the development of our emotional world.) There can be many different forms of emotional cores taught to our brain; Core of happiness/core of unhappiness, core of worthiness/core of unworthiness, core of likability/core of unlovedness, core of competence/core of inadequacy… As we get older, we can discover new cores. Depending on what we are exposed to from the outside world, we either nourish or shrink those nuclei.
The first person who nourishes these nuclei and shapes our personality development is the first caregiver we deal with in our childhood, that is, our mother. (If we do not have a mother, the substitute caregiver (substitute caregiver) who has given us care instead of our mother Later, other people we interact with in our childhood (father, sister, brother, aunt, grandfather, neighbor, cousin...) play a role in our emotional world and personality development. To explain it more simply, I will give an example through mother, the most important figure in personality development.
If my mother does not feel valuable, she cannot look at me with the feeling of "a valuable being" when I was born. . He meets my physiological needs, he is physically with me, he feeds me, protects me, looks after me, but he cannot provide me with the emotional fuel that I want to receive adequately due to his inner world. By age Unable to fully distinguish between "me and the other", I cannot understand that the feeling of worthlessness is a feeling that belongs to my mother, and I internalize this feeling without questioning. Therefore, my brain is introduced to this negative emotion. We know that 0-6 years of age is a fundamental period for personality development. During this period, when the child is viewed as a worthless being, when the child is not accepted with everything he/she is, or when the child is loved conditionally, these negative emotional cores begin to grow. starting. This child is experiencing problems during adolescence, which he must go through in order to reach adulthood. When he becomes an adult, he has problems in his close relationships and has to go to therapy.
So, if you feel worthless, would you like to know the truth that you can change this?
- First of all, you are worthless. The adult who feels this must have a real intention to change this situation. Sometimes feeling worthless and feeling sorry for oneself can also be good for a person. Because the person's mind has equated pain and pleasure, and since he does not differentiate between "pleasure is one thing, pain is another," he gets intense pleasure from suffering. In other words, there are other gains, namely "secondary gains", that the person obtains by using the feeling of worthlessness, and in order not to lose them, he does not want to get rid of the feeling of worthlessness.
-After the person intends to feel valuable, he should find out from whom he may have received/still receives the feeling of worthlessness; Whose emotions are these negative emotions basically? From whom did your brain model and learn these emotions? (If you have read the article this far, those people have already come to mind in your mind) Afterwards, you should work on differentiating yourself from the people from whom you receive negative emotions; "Worthlessness is a feeling that belongs to my mother. My mother is someone else, I am someone else. As a child, I may have taken the negative emotions thrown at me by those around me without questioning them. Now, as an adult, I know that I am not the child I was yesterday and that I am valuable just because I was created as a human, regardless of any conditions.
-As you say these, a voice inside you says, "No, you. "You are not valuable, you are deceiving yourself." Then try to find out who this voice belongs to; For example, is this voice male or female, young or old? What does that voice gain from your worthlessness?
-Describe your feelings well. Just because you read this article, Do not try to remove the feeling of worthlessness from your negative behavior. Give yourself time to think and digest.
- If the people who make you feel intensely negative are still in your life, try to stay away from them physically for a while.
- If there is no possibility of physically separating from the people whose negative emotions you are affected by, do not try to change the other party and do not feed them by arguing. Just decidewhich emotions you will receive from them anymore and which ones you will no longer receive. They should have the right to throw whatever emotions they want at you, and you should have the right to choose which emotions to receive and which ones not to receive.
- Accept this person or people, who have a very important place in your personality development but cannot provide you with the emotional fuel you want, without trying to change them. And mourn the fact that they did not have the personality traits you desired. People also lived such lives that they could not properly encounter positive emotions. Because; They could not give you the emotions they did not have.
- Choose to replace the negative emotions you have internalized with positive ones; ''I may not have had enough emotional fuel when I was little, but with my mind today, I know I can fill this tank. Because I am not the child of yesterday, I am an adult now.'' - If you do not choose to change, you will most likely throw the same negative feelings on your own child. Be aware of this when making your choice.
- Ask yourself; "What should I do today to make me feel valuable?'' Do the first thing that comes to your mind for a while, letting yourself know.
And un don't forget; A human being consists first of flesh and bones and then of emotions...
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