Abandonment

If you have an Abandonment scheme, many of the following phrases will be familiar to you:

DELIVERY SUCCESS

Emotions:

• I feel like my relationships will end at any moment.
• I feel like I will be abandoned at any moment, as if I will be left alone.
• I am so afraid of being alone and abandoned.
• When I'm alone, I feel uneasy.

Behaviors – Partners:

• In my relationships, people often leave or cheat on me.
• The people I choose for a relationship are the non-attached, cheating, and unfaithful types.

Thoughts:

• One day everyone will go and I will be alone.

AVOID COMMUNICATION

• I avoid close relationships.
• I leave my lovers before they leave me.
• I'm always the first to leave. / I had many relationships, but when everything was going well, I always broke up.
• I prefer not to say my feelings and needs because if I do, my partner may turn away from me.
• When I'm alone, I drink excessively, I play computer games excessively.

COACHING OVER COMPENSATION

• I would like to be together with my partners.
• I will be very angry if she answers me late, if she doesn't answer my calls. Sometimes I get into fights.
• I get very worried if I don't know where my partner is and what he is doing. I will do anything to reach him.
• I am always on the alert in case you break up with me. I question him.
• I accuse her of not being loyal to me, we fight.
• If I feel that my partner is moving away from me, I cling to him more.
• My partners eventually get fed up with me and break up with me.
• I can't focus on my life when I'm in a relationship. Everything becomes my relationship.

ORIGINS

• If you have an Abandonment schema, some of the following childhood experiences may reflect you:
• I When I was a kid, my parents/adults around me were inconsistent (one moment very good, one moment they were very bad/exploiters; sometimes distant, sometimes warm.)
• My mom/dad left home when I was little.
• I had to live apart from my mom/dad when I was younger.
• My mom/dad's mental problem had an addiction.

IMPACTS ON LIFE

• How the abandonment schema affects your life:
• Avoid intimate relationships due to fear of abandonment You are completely avoiding. You cannot experience the pleasure of bonding.
• You are experiencing so much anxiety in the relationship that you cannot enjoy the relationship.
• Your partners are turning away from you because of your skepticism and excessive questioning.
• You are more attracted to people who do not trust, and you are tired of being betrayed all the time.
• You are so tired of always being abandoned or abandoned.
• You become almost dependent on people.

Also:

- You may have developed a submissiveness scheme. Because if you don't do what people want, you're afraid they'll leave you.

- Your Abandonment scheme may be linked to the Dependency/Inability scheme. Because you think you can't survive on your own, you may be afraid of being abandoned.

- Your Abandonment scheme may be linked to the Imperfection/Shame scheme. Because you may be afraid that if they find out what kind of person you really are, they won't love you and will leave you.

*Please also take a look at the pages of these diagrams.

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