There are old issues that are constantly brought up in relationships and cannot be forgotten. Because the zeigarnik effect comes into play.
So what is the zeigarnik effect?
A psychology student in Vienna was very surprised that the waiters remember mixed orders without even writing them down, then asked the waiters about the orders they had just brought and said. He saw that they couldn't remember any of the waiters. He realized that while the waiters could remember the orders before taking them, they forgot all of them after they took them. This observation became famous as the zeigarnik effect by taking the student's surname.
So, the zeigarnik effect is a psychological concept that states that people remember incomplete, divided or interrupted activities more easily than those who have completed them. Discussions that are understood and compensated are often forgotten in a short time. However, the problems that are swept under the carpet and that a partner does not accept are left unfinished and turn into a source of uneasiness over time, like a stone escaping into a shoe with the zeigarnik effect. And it becomes a topic that is talked about all the time.
Perhaps you are also under this influence. Then ask yourself:
What are the problems that my partner or I can't accept?
Are there problems that have been swept under the rug?
What are the unresolved arguments?
When you examine your relationship based on these questions, you will have made certain inferences. Maybe there is a problem that you don't talk about to avoid conflict, maybe there is something you can't come to terms with. All of them are possible.
Apart from the possibilities I have mentioned, there are also issues that partners do not accept. In other words, an issue that is very problematic for one partner is not even seen as a problem for the other partner. This does not create an opportunity to solve the problem.
The point I want you to remember is this; Issues that are invisible, inaudible, suppressed and ignored for various reasons, continue to affect you and your relationship even if the feelings seem to be absent.
If you have such problems and have difficulty in finding a solution, you may consider getting couples therapy.
To healthy relationships,
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