The future reflects the light of past experiences. A person wants to be happy tomorrow on the path he plans!
For this, it needs a correct road map. If the map covers the goals of our young people, this road map is the parents.
Youth is a period in which childhood years are left behind, but all the conditions of being an adult have not yet been achieved, and the individual has to cope with psychological and social problems in parallel with the physical changes he experiences. The knowledge and behaviors acquired in childhood encounter new values and behavioral patterns during the transition to adulthood. This encounter brings about a kind of conflict. The individual who experiences a major change in physiological and biological terms; He also makes intense efforts in areas such as education, social role, and career choice. Perhaps the reason for this is that youth is a transitional phase.
With youth, we have just left childhood, the purest state of man, and stepped into the world of adults. This step is a bit timid, inexperienced, clumsy, and sometimes hasty and even arrogant. As a young person steps into adulthood, his body organs become disproportionate due to growth, and he often becomes clumsy and clumsy. It's as if those hands, arms and legs were newly given to him and he is trying to learn how to use them. As his body becomes an adult body and he settles down, these clumsiness will decrease and disappear over time. Similarly, a young person who experiences great changes and turmoil in his soul may engage in some clumsiness and clumsiness, so to speak, in connection with this change. Perhaps these will be the hardest things for him. Because the change in his body progresses in a way that can be easily seen by anyone looking from the outside, but it is not that easy to see the change and turmoil in his soul. Sometimes he shouts so that they can see and notice, but no one hears or understands. Sometimes he wants no one to see or notice. He withdraws into his own inner world and becomes lonely.
In my opinion, one of the most surprising questions here is that although no one jumps from childhood to adulthood, and in one way or another, they experience adolescence and a youth period, understanding youth and young people is a problem in every period. youth Children complain about not being understood, and adults complain about not being able to understand young people and criticize them. Moreover, advice is often given with sentences starting with "in our youth..." However, these advices often go in one ear and out the other. The person who gave that advice has probably heard similar things at one time or another. His elders were worried about him, his future, his values, his world and his religious values, and they warned the young man about some issues that were right in their opinion. Yesterday's young person, who felt that he was not understood at that time, that his words were not valued, and whose family and environment were worried about him breaking away from social and family values or making mistakes, today experiences similar concerns for his own child. The interesting part is this: There is a clumsiness, an inexperience, a rush, a fear in the young person's parent, as if such an experience had never been experienced. This is truly not a concern that can be ignored. What if my child goes down a wrong path, what if he gets involved in a wrong thing from which there is no return or compensation, what if he makes the wrong friends... These worries are countless. Yes, there are always such risks. So, how can we help our child or young person, who is at the highest level of energy while under these risks, who is also experiencing various difficulties in the transition from childhood to adolescence and who is trying to overcome them, and how can we overcome these difficulties by walking together with him? In fact, the way to overcome these problems without destroying our trust in each other or creating gaps between us is largely through understanding young people. It is not only about building bridges by establishing a one-sided communication channel through our own fears, anxieties, hopes and expectations, but also by trying to understand him and his world.
Understanding young people and listening to their choices and reasons without discouraging them is what parents should do. Unfortunately, a big mistake is made at this point. No one understands anyone else in the family and conflicts arise.
Empathize, Be Patient and Understanding.
Are what they say taken seriously? Is it accepted? Is it objected? If it is being objected to, is it being objected blindly? Otherwise, talk to him openly and sincerely. does it tire? Are logical and polite answers given? " All of these actually constitute the answers to the questions the young person asks himself about how he is perceived in the family and society. During these efforts, the young person who constantly feels that he is not cared for, not seen, not heard or understood, becomes increasingly distant from his family. Let's not think that by scolding our child with whom we have an argument for any reason, When we won the argument by getting angry and shouting, underestimating him and mocking what he said, or when we silenced the child and sent him to his room, we made him accept what we said, convinced him, persuaded him. By doing this, we actually alienated him from us. However, since it is not possible for us to give up on our child, we were patient and patient as much as we could, thinking that these times too would pass. It is up to us adults to be understanding and empathize. It should also be stated that being understanding does not mean underestimating or ignoring the problem. On the contrary, it means being calm and solution-oriented in the face of the problem and seeing the solution.
Don't Say 'No' Immediately! Make the Youth Feel That They Are Important.
If we do not make the young person feel that he is important, we should know that whoever makes him feel important is important to the young person. Even though our "throne" has been shaken a little, in order to show our child that our discourses are valuable and guiding, we must first make him/her feel that his/her discourses, thoughts and decisions are valuable. Parents should clearly define the red lines that exist in every family by taking a common stance. But if the young person touches a red line every time he takes a step, breaking those red lines may now become a goal for him. That's why think twice before saying no to a young person. Don't be judgmental. Analyze together the consequences of the choices they make in 5 or 10 years.
We want the young person's well-being, but determine their abilities and values well!
To understand young people, get to know them well. Every parent wants the well-being of their children, strives for this, and their requests from them are mostly for this purpose. Amenna, but let's imagine that we were at that age too. And we were probably at that age the same as we are now and what we want our children to be. We were not people. If you expect them to perform beyond their abilities, you will be unfair to both yourself and your child. Because your child will learn the feeling of inadequacy with this imposition. I am very sorry to say that your children, who have to make choices with the psychology and inadequacy of never being able to become an individual to the extent you want, will fail in the face of life.
Research shows that 82% of young people who are forced to make choices due to family pressure live their lives unhappy. Please keep in mind that you are singing the song of life together in order to correctly analyze the interests of young people, understand and help young people. What is important here is harmony, not sound.
Create an area for independent action and decision-making.
Young people often want to act and decide independently. Decision-making and free will are beneficial together. But these behaviors, which he tries to signal "I've grown up"
, are usually in social environments. To understand young people, leave them a space where they can be alone. Monitor them in these areas without your intervention. Try to see how well they accomplish what they do, what they are successful at, or how they act when they are successful. Because these observations will affect your opinions at every crossroads, from their choice of career to their choice of spouse.
The young person's desire to show that he has grown up directs his behavior and attitudes on many issues. If you want young people to become down-to-earth adults, take them out of your safe and protected world for a while. Put him between the dilemma and force him to choose. Then, mutually evaluate the prospective pros and cons of the choices he made. Speaking of mutual conversation, another issue that we cannot help but mention is the issue of advice. Sometimes, instead of talking for hours, listening to the young person a little and trying to truly understand what he wants and thinks produces more positive results.
It is now established through experience that the young person does not have the opportunity to express himself, he only receives instructions. The conversations he receives are useless. Share the challenges with them. Teach them that a good captain can be identified by whether or not he docks the ship in a storm.
Don't be afraid! It is not difficult to understand young people. There are many things that can be said about understanding young people. However, to summarize in one sentence, we can say; We can get much more positive and faster results when we spend the time and energy we would spend on conflict on understanding young people and devoting time to them. Be a little child. Let them be a little adult. With these role changes, it will be easier for you to get closer to each other or empathize with each other. While doing all this, keep in mind that you grew up together.
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