Why Are Parent Attitudes Important?

Home is the child's first world, and in this world he learns and experiences many things that are right/wrong, good/bad, beautiful/ugly. A child begins to learn from the moment he is born. He sees who the parents are and what he needs to exist in this world. As it is known, 0-6 years is the years when the character begins to take shape and the importance of family dynamics lies here. Every behavior and discourse that the child sees in the family is like the money he has saved to use over time;

The family instills a sense of trust in the child. The child will be affected by the attitudes he sees in the family throughout his life and will show the same expectation in his approach to the people around him. The child's success in his social and school life largely depends on parenting attitudes. Many behavioral disorders observed in children are caused by parental attitudes. The most important environmental factor in shaping the personality is the family.

Children with adjustment disorders are usually the product of an ineffective parent-child relationship. The attitudes of the parents are effective in the formation of the self-appraisal of the child. It affects self-esteem and personality formation. It affects the way children come into contact with the world. It is an essential ingredient for children to unleash their true potential. It provides the child with the necessary pattern for the development of the parents' consistent behavior patterns.

The attitudes of the parents towards the child in the 0-6 age period are important on self-perception and personality. Because the child evaluates himself and the world in the presence of consistent patterns from parents. As a result of this interaction, children evaluate themselves and the world, and if they are not durable, if psychological resilience is not formed, they act in accordance with this pattern with these labels in all their experiences.

How Parenting Attitudes Form?

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An imaginary child concept is formed in the minds of parents about what kind of child they want, even before birth. If the child born into the world does not comply with the expectations of the parents, the attitude of rejection develops in the parents as a result of the disappointment. The cultural values ​​of the society affect the parents on raising their children. The parent they take The attitudes of parents who take pleasure in their role and believe that they do their duty properly are more successful and positive than parents who do not know how to raise their children, who feel insecure and inadequate. Parents who are satisfied with their children's number, gender and personality traits have more appropriate attitudes than those who are dissatisfied. Apart from all this, their own childhood experiences may play a role in their current attitudes. The relationship between spouses within the family is another factor that affects the attitude towards children. The temperament of the child, the age at which the parents have children, the attitude of the root parent, and the knowledge level of the parents about child development are also important.

Attitude of Authoritarian Parenting

There are strict rules, the rules have no explanation. Penalties are imposed when rules are not followed. Criticism is very harsh. The positive qualities of the child are not emphasized, but the mistakes are emphasized. Expectations from the child are very high, there are expectations above his age. The child is not tried to be understood, but is evaluated according to patterns. Children's mistakes are not tolerated. Family relations are strained. The child is treated in a way that creates a perception of rejection. The perfectionist nature can also be felt by the child as an authority. There is control by force, control by love, restraint. The child constantly encounters advice, warning, correction and warning. Using emotional, not physical, force on a child is also punishment. We hear parents talk about their authority, saying, 'I never beat my child, one look is enough...'. This is a good example of emotional violence for a child. Shouting, humiliating, ignoring, denying love, scolding, scaring the child are also punishments that should not be applied

What the Child Learns;

• Be as I want!

• If you do not do as I want, you will be punished!

• If you do not do as I want, you will not be loved!

• Any of your You can't have a say!

• If you're not good enough, you're not worth it!

• Problems are solved with violence and authority!

• I must try to please the domineering person!

• Is myself and punishing others.

Effects on Children

Low self-confidence, sense of distrust towards people, passive and passive personality, developing a punitive personality, turning problems into violence They may encounter psychological problems such as solving by resorting, intolerance, weakness in social relations, failure due to fear of making mistakes, not open to innovations, afraid of trying, and feeling of inferiority. Excessive pressure can lead the child to lie or commit crime. The child is inclined to oppress the weak and may exhibit bullying behavior. The child begins to have difficulty showing his love to others. In addition, the child displays an overly introverted or aggressive appearance. There is vengeful and vengeful behavior. He goes through a difficult adolescence. It exhibits dependence on external authority. The child cannot make independent choices on his own. They do not express their feelings and thoughts.

Tolerant Parenting Attitude

There is a relaxed attitude. There are few or no rules, the child is overly liberal. Boundaries are not clear and they have trouble setting them. For this reason, both the thought that the child's freedom will be restricted and the failures to set limits keep parents away from this issue. Behavioral disorders of the child are not interfered with. The rights granted to the child are too many, and the expectations from the child are too low. The child dominates the family, his wishes are accepted without question, whatever he wants is done. This attitude is more common in families of only children or families who want to have children for a long time. The attitude of working parents can also fall into this category. The child is stronger than the parents. Communication with the child is also not very strong.

The tolerant parent can actually be considered as a kind of negligent parent. Not meeting or delaying the mental, emotional and physiological needs of the child, sometimes with an overly relaxed attitude, is also a kind of neglect and violation. The neglectful parent is not involved in the child's life. For these parents, their own social life is more important than their children's. In such an environment, social aspects are weak, especially self-control is low, independence is Children who can't get it easily grow up.

What the child learns;

• I'm the boss of this house, everyone should do what I want.

• If what I want is not done, I have to push the limits with different methods.

• Behaviors with and without approval show inconsistency.

• My friends also it should do what I want.

• I can't stand it if I don't get a request right away

• Rules or what?

• Everything was free now where did this anger come from?

• Confusion

Effects on Child

Problems such as arrogant, proud and self-conceited personality, impatient, non-responsible, easily bored, dissatisfied individuals, selfish, self-centered attitudes, weakness in cooperation and compromise, rebellious and aggressive behaviors, failure in social relations can be seen. . The child tries to exert power on his parents. It increases the child's reactions to anger and the inhibition of his wishes. The child may make his wishes done by saying "you don't love me" and may have difficulty in following the rules in other environments. This prevents the child from maturing and can make him addicted to attention. Narcissism, which is the most common psychological disorder of the age, may also lead to laying the foundations and raising narcissistic individuals. Thus, children can be individuals who cannot control themselves, and who cannot postpone their emotions, desires and impulses. parent attitude. Every wish of the child is fulfilled. The child is overprotected. Thus, the child cannot be a self-preserving, caring and directing person. The child is dependent, insecure, has emotional problems. In this attitude, the child is not allowed to be self-sufficient. The child is protected from possible problems or these problems are solved by the family. Even what a child can do is accomplished by his family.

What a Child Learns;

• Child finds the world dangerous and worrying

• I can't trust my own abilities

• I don't have to do anything, my parents do

• I can't do it

• What would I do without my parents

• A problem I'm done when it happened to me

• Mom, where are you?

• There's a dangerous situation since I'm so protected?

• I am helpless and weak

• I don't think I can succeed

Impacts on Children

Children who are dependent on their parents and on another individual in later ages grow up. They cannot experience personal responsibility. They have difficulty expressing themselves. They cannot meet their needs alone. They have a self-esteem problem. They cannot study alone, they may have problems in school success. They seek the help and support of others, even in tasks that they can do on their own. When they have a problem, they look for a savior who will solve the problem.

Democratic Parenting Attitude

Love, respect, peace, trust, care and warmth prevail in the family. Parents become good models in the decisions and behaviors they give to the child. Everyone in the family has an equal say. All kinds of feelings are accepted, limits are placed on behavior, not feelings. Criticism is about work, not personality. The child's ideas are listened to and valued in all matters. There is a reassuring and tolerant family structure.

What the child learns;

• I am loved under all circumstances

• Emotion and my opinions matter

• I am accepted as I am

• My parents value me

• I know my responsibilities

• I can solve my problems, but if I can't they will support me.

Impacts on Children

They become social and happy, self-confident and responsible, creative and independent individuals. Children who grow up in this family develop personalities that are prone to cooperation, trust people, respect the rules, know and protect their own and others' limits, question, be helpful and express their thoughts easily. Even if they are affected by the emotional difficulties they experience in an environment they are in, they can overcome it and not dramatize it.

Psychologist Gonca CİHAN

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