Oh, don't go out alone at this hour, 'what will people say?'
Are you going to wear this dress, 'what will people say'?
Is this what a man does and then 'what will people say'? ?'
Look at the child of the world, just sit down.
We've been going along for a long time. He's always saying something. He criticizes. He never shuts up. The chronic individual of our society is 'the common man'. There is no one among us who has not heard the above sentences and many more. Everyone is always talking, shaming us and making us feel ashamed. Then we organize our behaviors and discourses according to that world.
But Why?
The truth of the matter is that what we call world is actually society, environment, social group. Every society has its own norms, rules, beliefs and lifestyle. As social beings, we, as humans, have the need to belong, as Abraham Maslow puts it, so we have to be in touch with society. In order to meet this need, we think that we can join a community by making others happy from time to time, and perhaps most of the time. Because we pursue the unrealistic belief that if we make people experience emotions that they find strange, they will move away from us.
Actually, this thing we call common is not always such a bad thing. It prevents us from repeating the mistakes we made in the past. After all, the world has a rule and framework that is often beneficial because these rules have developed in line with the needs of society. However, if the fear of what the world will say begins to cloud our minds and constrict us, then there is a problem. Because when this fear rises, we feel needy and insecure. Thus, we either start living according to others or move away from people. As a result, we lose our self-respect and become socially alienated.
Do I have a fear of the world?
If you do things you don't want to do and get resentful of that, you don't know what you want. If you don't know or have never thought about this issue, if you are afraid/hesitant to express what you truly believe in, if you avoid people or have to spend time with people you don't like, if you have a hard time making decisions, if you are constantly talking to people about you. If you imagine that they are sad and bored next to you, WHAT DOES YOURSELF SAY? It means you are experiencing fear.
The good news is that you are not the only one responsible for experiencing this fear. their children; If you behave like this, no one will love you, look, so-and-so's daughter has earned this place, you just sit back, you can't do anything, you are ignorant, etc. Families who raise you with self-confidence-breaking statements such as are the stakeholders of this situation. The bad news is that you are perpetuating this situation and not solving it makes you a partner in this stakeholder.
So how can I get out of this situation?
First of all, you have to stop being other-centered. You have to put yourself at the centre. When you achieve this, people will accept you for who you are, not because you lived according to them. Another advantage of this is that when you make a mistake, it will be easier for you to accept the situation because it is a mistake you made by your own choice. However, it is not that easy to accept a mistake you make in order to adapt to others. Because when you make mistakes for others, you regret it, but your own mistakes teach you to grow. It makes it easier for you to forgive others. Sometimes the mistakes you make may be misunderstood by others. If the mistake is your own personal mistake, you can feel your good will in your heart and achieve inner peace more easily. You become more mentally relaxed and focus on yourself rather than worrying about what others will say.
Another consequence of being other-centered is that no matter how good you are for others, no matter how much effort you put in, they may judge you with negative statements and despite the fact that you have done everything. Even though you keep thinking about where you made a mistake. Sometimes you feel used and worthless. Actually, the problem is not with people. The problem is that you have established a relationship in which you compromise yourself so that they will love you and not judge you. However, if you centered yourself and created a network of people who are there for you because of who you are, your efforts and efforts would make you happy. You would try to make yourself happy, not to make others happy. And since you wouldn't have any expectations from anyone, you wouldn't have to worry about what others would say.
Take your mind off the question of what others would say. When you want to clarify, you can put yourself into action and focus on the action. If this action has a goal, you can focus on your goal rather than focusing on others. This could be a course, a success goal, anything that will contribute to you, improve you and ultimately make you happy. You have to somehow abandon yourself to the flow of life, not to the judgments of others.
Be with people who are aware of your good points, know your strengths and whom you can trust. Prefer to be in groups of friends, in environments where you are loved and supported.
If your anxiety increases again due to a behavior you are about to do, you wonder 'what is the worst that could happen?' Ask yourself the question. Talk to people you are afraid of, get their opinions and evaluate them according to your own wishes.
Have internal conversations with yourself. 'What exactly do I want?' Answer the question. Make your decisions in line with your own wishes.
Unfortunately, people's mouths are not bags so that you can be puckered. So find out what's important to you. List what people can say and do about this situation and prepare yourself for these.
Someone else's opinions about you do not have to be your reality (Les Brown)
Remember...
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