Children, like all of us, need motivation. Adults also use praise to "encourage" or "motivate" children. But there are certain questions we need to ask before giving praise.
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Does the child need praise?
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How should I praise the child in which situations?
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Can I encounter negative results as well as positive results of praise?
Research shows that praise is appropriate and consistent. and emphasizes that it should be done without overdoing it. Excessive praise sends the message to children, “You are low-skilled and need encouragement,” and thus negatively affects self-confidence.
Praise effort, not ability or results.
Toddler at Stanford A recent study of children showed that “praising effort, not ability, leads to greater motivation and more positive attitudes toward challenges.”
When praise is associated with the child's effort and performance, it supports individual independence, that is, the formation of a core self, and minimizes children's exposure to social comparisons and labeling.
Provide process praise.
"You must have worked really hard on this!" In order to praise the process, we need to have complete mastery of it.
For example, if the child is trying to paint a picture, you do not need to comment on every color he chooses. When your child shows you the picture, it would be appropriate to wait until the end and then say thought-provoking sentences such as, "I see you chose to put purple next to brown - that's very interesting!" According to Haimovitz, asking such questions helps the child It will encourage your child to ask himself the same questions and awaken a sense of curiosity and discovery.
Change his perception with appropriate praise.
"Wow - you seem to really enjoy this project!" You can increase the child's interest in any activity and provide motivation with constructive praise. Your child focuses on his or her own reasons for participating in a study before anyone else. You can help him establish his reasons.
The relationship between excessive praise and self-confidence
"Your drawing is the most beautiful drawing I have ever seen!". Children with low self-esteem react badly to excessive praise. Dr. According to Corpus and Good, this is because such praise sets an impossible standard, and children quickly lose motivation in the face of this impossibility.
Pay attention to the quality of your praise.
The reality for children in today's competitive world Exaggerated compliments that do not reflect their abilities are used. According to Prof. Carol S. Zweck, researcher of the Stanford Study, "Expressions of praise such as 'You are great, you are wonderful' harm children rather than helping them. When a child encounters a failure, he may think that he is not great and become demotivated when he does not do the job perfectly.
The sense of self-worth is based on children's actual achievements." Wow! What a great artist you are! You are very talented! You are the best painter I have ever seen. Instead of saying, "What a creative picture! You must have worked really hard on that," compliments like "" would be more appropriate.
Most parents do this innocently to make their children feel good. Although it may seem innocent. , excessive praise may have negative consequences:
1.Don't think you're the only one
Children think they are special when they are praised excessively. But this being 'special' is not the good kind of 'special'. This perception can make them vulnerable to life and push them to think that everything will be easy. Children who do not have the skills to meet their ambitions may have consequences such as disappointment or narcissism, as they will want to give less and receive more.
2. Feelings of inadequacy
Over-praising our children makes them feel insecure about their true abilities. When they feel insecure, they stop wanting to try. They may withdraw because they are afraid of failing.
3. Altruistic parenting
Parents often make sacrifices in the hope of giving the best to their children. Sometimes this is done to an extreme and the parent's life begins to revolve solely around the child. It can do more harm than good to the children we want to help by involving and praising them in everything from homework to homework. As a negative result of this, children may later turn into adults who avoid taking responsibility.
4. Loss of interest in activities
When we get too involved in the activities our child participates in or praise their achievements inappropriately and get involved in the process at every stage; Undue attention and praise (for example, cheering at matches, or watching from the course window every day until the end of the dance) will make the child feel ashamed and angry. When he feels pressure to perform, he will lose interest in a favorite activity and end up quitting the activity altogether.
So how should we praise?
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Find out what your children like to do and provide realistic and appropriate encouragement. present. Avoid labels while doing this.
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Midwife As parents, we should subtly take note of the activities that enlighten our children and increase their self-confidence. We should sensitively guide them to find something they love and do well, then provide them with opportunities to participate in the activity and improve their skills.
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We should praise the amount of effort and value they put into a job, healthy We must support personality development.
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Most importantly, if we want our children to be happy, we should offer them the chance to feel good, rather than just praise them. We can create opportunities for them to be self-sufficient, generous and compassionate. This not only gives them self-confidence, but also allows them to spread these values to those around them.
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