They called the mother from her nine-year-old son's school and told him that he had been beaten by a classmate during recess and that he had a wound on his face that needed stitches. His mother quickly went to school, took her son to the hospital and ensured that the necessary interventions were given. When he went to the school again and met with the administration, he heard the principal say, "This child's parents are divorced, he is very angry these days, there is nothing to do in such situations."
Of course, the last thing children want, regardless of their age, is; is the divorce of their parents. This shocking event will seriously affect the development of children. Sometimes couples decide to continue their marriage only for the sake of their children, despite the severe problems they experience between them. However, both the research and my experiences in my therapies show that; This decision actually causes more harm to the children and turns the wound into gangrene. Just as marriage has rituals such as asking for a girl, engagement, ring, dowry, marriage, wedding, etc., divorce also has rituals.
Help your children adapt to divorce. In order to cope and manage the process well, you should pay attention to the following:
1. No child should wake up in the morning and see that his father has taken all his belongings, including his toothbrush, or learn from someone else that his mother has left the house.
2. While talking to them, talk about the problems between you and your spouse. and you should make it clear that they are not responsible in any way for your decision to leave.
3. Without blaming each other by saying "We love you very much, we will always remain your parents, but we cannot get along with each other anymore, we fight a lot, we decided to live in separate houses rather than upset each other." Talk to the children, taking equal responsibility.
4. Write down the decisions you make on a piece of paper and be sure to keep your promises to the children.
5. Who will keep the children? While looking for an answer to the question, do not see them as inanimate objects.
6. Whatever happens between you, do not force your children to take sides just to hurt each other.
7. Instead of talking to each other, "tell your son, your father..." or " Girl, tell your mother…….” child with expressions like Do not use your children as homing pigeons.
8. Even though you hate each other, remember that you have to face every good or bad event related to children.
9. Your children are irreplaceable and valuable assets for you. Do not neglect your love and attention to make them feel better.
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