This kid doesn't understand words, he will eventually drive me crazy, he is stubborn as a goat, he does the opposite of whatever I say... These expressions probably don't seem unfamiliar to you. We can say that these are some of the expressions that parents use when they are faced with a child who is almost crazy, infuriating, rebellious, combative and constantly stubborn. It should be known that children are not born stubborn. When their developmental periods are examined, it is seen that stubbornness is not a feature, but a developmental process. From the moment the child realizes that he is independent from his mother and starts walking on his own, he begins to explore his environment. He is constantly on the move, wanting to look everywhere, poke around and touch. Therefore, this behavior of the child can be interpreted as "I also have an idea, skill and desire." The child, who could easily reach everything he wanted until this period, becomes acquainted with "no" in the face of curiosity after this period. During this period, the child moves unconsciously with a burning sense of curiosity. He doesn't think and plan and act like "there's a cupboard here, I need to open this drawer and look through what's there." For this reason, no matter how many times a parent responds to his child with the expression "no", the expression "no" becomes just a word in the future. Along with the idea that I created the world, children want to do what they want and have it done, without thinking about anyone else but themselves, that the world revolves only around them, that everything is done for them, and without caring what anyone else thinks or wants. Thus, the seeds of stubbornness between the child and the parent begin to sprout. 3-year-old Can was disobeying his parents by shouting. “No I don't want to, I won't wear it” I say “I want to wear my green sweater”. Faced with this situation, the mother insisted that she wear the navy blue sweater she had chosen, thinking it would keep her warmer. “Son, this outfit will keep you warmer, your green dress is thinner and the weather is cold, you can wear your green dress later.” In the face of the mother's insistence, Can becomes more stubborn and angry, and begins to cry. 4-year-old Elif was stubborn with her mother on almost every issue. “to school Her mother kept insisting almost every day, like "I won't go, I'll wear my white shoes, I don't want to wear socks, I want to eat chocolate now." These are two different examples, who knows, maybe we have experienced them or even witnessed them. So, are these events a natural process?
Stubbornness seen in children is often a natural behavior. The message that the stubborn child gives to those around him is, "I am a separate person from you, I am free, I can make my own wishes." Another message is that he separates himself from the people around him and draws his personality boundaries. Children who persist within developmental limits become adults who can stand on their own feet in the future, are self-sufficient, and can make their own decisions rather than acting under the guidance of others. However, it can also be said that additional observations should be made for children who are stubborn beyond what is expected for their age, who cannot be persuaded in any way, and who stubbornly express all their wishes.
How Should I Act? One of the most critical problems for parents is the question of how to treat a stubborn child. However, it should be known that there is no miraculous formula to dissuade your child from being stubborn. First of all, trying to find the behavior that triggers stubbornness would be the best thing to do first. Taking into account the developmental characteristics of the child, the child should not be forced to do things over and over again that he does not want. Expressions such as "Come on, sing for us, come on, help me, let's see what you talked about with your friend" should be avoided as much as possible. Your child may not want to sing or tell you the things he shared with his friend at that moment. For this reason, it would be right to postpone for a while something that one does not want to do at the moment, without being forceful. It is necessary to be consistent at every stage. Almost many parents may have to say "yes" to anything they previously said "no" to, in order not to be stubborn with their children and to prevent the anger or crying crises that will arise after stubbornness. It is useful to stay away from the imperative mood as much as possible. Expressions such as "do, take, bring, tell, take out, look, write" may damage his/her sense of trust and cause him/her to respond with expressions such as "no, no, don't do it, give" by speaking to you in the same imperative mood. Communicating using the imperative mood depends on your child's It should not be forgotten that no matter what, it may damage his ego. Children are curious, examine, touch, investigate, want to see and watch. In this process, when he is faced with a "no" answer to things that he secretly wonders about, such as "no, don't open the drawers, don't touch the vase, don't touch the television, what are you doing there, leave it alone", we in a way prevent his sense of curiosity. During this process, preventing the child from doing what he wants to do due to his sense of curiosity causes the child to become stubborn. It should not be forgotten that whether the stubborn behavior seen in children is developmental? Or is it a reaction to his needs that need to be met? It is important to consider that.
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