The most frequently asked question about how to approach your anxious children is 'How to Treat an Anxious Child?' How to Help an Anxious Child? I would like to share an article with some suggestions on the subject of 'How to Approach an Anxious Child'
If your child has an anxious nature and experiences this feeling intensely, you, as parents, need to maintain your calm and positivity when faced with anxiety situations. It has serious importance. So how can you achieve this?
When children feel extremely anxious, even parents who have developed parenting skills and whom we consider to be good parents, use some words or sentences that they think are positive in order to alleviate the children's feelings and understand them emotionally. . However, these words or sentences can sometimes cause your child to worry even more.
It may seem very difficult to observe and watch the child cope with his anxieties, but as parents, your goal is to try to eliminate all the concerns that occur and develop in the child's life. Instead, it should be trying to help him learn to tolerate and cope with the worrying events he may encounter in his life, and to try to understand the events that cause him to worry.
As parents, you should maintain your calmness and positive stance in the face of worrying events. We can say that your protection is the first indispensable rule. Because as long as you can maintain this calmness and positivity, your children will observe how you react to the worrying events they encounter and try to take some clues from you and use them in their own lives in the future. In other words, it is not what you say to them, but how you react to events, that is, your behavior, that is of great importance. As a result, the child either grows up as an individual who is able to cope with his worries and show positive reactions, or he is faced with a series of events in his life that will constantly worry him and he has to ask someone for help. Remember that you are his mirror.
Now he is a parent Let's focus on some of the sentences he verbalized, thinking that the words are positive, and talk about the effects they have on children.
1-Don't worry! or Don't Worry!
Unfortunately, telling your child not to worry when he/she is worried about any event will not make his/her anxiety go away. Your child is already anxious, and this sentence you say implies that this feeling he is experiencing is irrational or unacceptable. I recommend that you choose a more positive expression that you can use instead of this sentence. For example: "Can you tell me more about the anxiety you experience?" Or “Can you tell us more about the situation that is causing you concern?” You can emphasize that you are trying to understand his anxiety with these sentences and empathize with him.
2-Don't worry, it's not even a problem! He knows that it is important and believes it. In fact, the anxiety he experiences is so important to him that it has the potential to negatively affect his relationships with his peers, his relationship with you as parents, his school success and other social areas. Instead of telling him that this is not a problem to worry about, you can choose more positive and empathetic sentences. For example: Whatever anxiety he is experiencing is……. I can see that you are very worried about it. If you want, let's take a deep breath together and then talk about it a little.
Note: Events or situations that make the child anxious may sometimes prevent them from immediately sharing with you. Therefore, if you receive a negative answer; “I want you to know that I am ready to listen to you when you are ready or want to talk about this.” A statement like this will help him feel understood and will help him come and share this situation with you when he is ready. However, sometimes parents tend to be a little hasty and find out the situation right away. Doing this may cause the child to close himself off to you. I recommend you to be careful and patient in this regard.
3-There is nothing to fear, do not be afraid!
If you have an anxious child, Remember that there are many reasons for him to fear or worry, such as being judged by others, being rejected by his peers, or failing. You can't make his anxiety go away with a quick sentence. You can alleviate his anxiety by trying to open the door to a positive conversation about this issue. For example: ”Let's talk about this.” You can make a good start with this sentence: However, I would like to remind you again to consider the note section in Article 2.
4-You will be fine, don't worry!
You have never faced any situation before. If you have experienced extreme anxiety, or let me go even further, if you have seen someone around you having a panic attack, or if you have experienced this situation yourself, you realize that the word "good" has no effect on an anxious mind. Your consciousness cannot make any connection with this word at that time. Therefore, what you tell your child is that you will be fine, don't worry, etc. The sentences will remain in the air at that time. Instead, you can use a more empathetic sentence to your child. For example, you can try the sentence "I'm here to help you."
5-You should go to bed early and get your sleep!
One of the most difficult aspects of the anxiety experienced in childhood is This makes it very difficult for children to go to bed. If the child's mind is anxious, he will tend to deal with it at night with the same anxieties that he tries to get rid of by being busy during the day. This is definitely not something your child did on purpose or is his fault. Instead of this sentence, you can help your child in a different way. For example: You can practice a meditation or relaxation exercise before going to bed to make it easier for your child to get into bed and fall asleep.
As a second option, you can develop a simple spray that we can call "monster spray" for children who have difficulty sleeping due to anxiety. To do this, take a spray bottle you have at home (make sure there is no chemical residue in it), fill it with water, use food coloring to color it if you wish, and put a sticker label on the bottle. You can write "MONSTER SPRAY" or whatever the thing that worries the child in capital letters is "... SPRAY" and spray it in the room together to keep the things that scare him away when it is time to sleep, and at the same time, you can put the spray near his bed and indicate that he can use this spray when he is afraid at night and in this way, you can reduce his anxiety.
6-Everything is in your head…
Excessive anxiety, that is, anxiety, is a brain-based disorder when evaluated from a psychological perspective. Therefore, it is not a situation that the child enters into knowingly and willingly. But "rejecting" the child with this sentence causes the child to feel guilty and ashamed. Instead of this sentence, you can use the following expression, in which you can do an activity with your child and help him relax: I think your anxious brain is making a lot of noise right now, if you want, let's go for a walk together and calm your anxious brain.
7- A little faster. be!
Anxious children tend to move at a snail's pace. While some people fall into a trap that we can call perfectionism, others are filled with feelings of regret when making decisions. Therefore, telling anxious children to be faster will only make them feel more guilty and more helpless. Use a simpler sentence to help the anxious child get moving. For example: ”How can I help you?” With this sentence, you can help your child in a healthier way without making him feel guilty and helpless, and at the same time support him in taking action.
8- I don't understand what you need.
Parenting anxious children is often exhausting and very difficult. However, you still need to maintain calm and hope in the face of anxiety in order to truly help your child. If you tell your child a sentence that expresses hopelessness, like the one above, you will do nothing but increase his or her anxiety. Instead, tell your child, for example: "Let's brainstorm together to find a way to calm our minds." Think together to find a solution using the sentence: You can invite them to relax.
Usually, helping your child cope with emotions such as anxiety and fear requires both time and practice. You generally do not experience all of the anxiety situations I mentioned on the same day, but it is possible that you may experience one or more of them together.
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