Jealousy can be considered one of the most common, strong and damaging emotions in close relationships. For some, jealousy is a sign of love, for some, it is a sign of low self-esteem, and for some, it is a sign of fear of loss and insecurity. Many different interpretations can be made about jealousy. The only common point is that jealousy is not a simple concept or emotion; It is a mess of emotions and reactions.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary definition, jealousy; Doubt is a state of mind arising from awareness of fiction or an existing rivalry. According to this definition, jealousy is a complex psychological experience in which there is fear of losing a person or a relationship. According to La Rochefoucauld, jealousy arises where there is doubt. Whether jealousy in a romantic relationship is a reaction to a real situation or a perceived threat of loss, it damages the relationship on a cognitive level after it emerges.
Sheets, Fredendal and Claypool stated that there are four factors that trigger jealousy in romantic relationships. These are; According to Freud, jealousy is inevitable and happiness is as normal an emotion as sadness. According to Freud, unconscious childhood memories and traumas have important effects on people's lives and their view of the world. It is known that such childhood experiences have a direct impact on choosing a spouse, as in many other choices in our lives. In other words, the reason why an individual is in a relationship where jealousy or insecurity is prevalent is not his/her bad fate. Because the individual chooses his/her partner, who is the other party of such a relationship, with his/her own consent, except in exceptional cases. According to Freud, these choices will be people who will meet the emotional needs that were not satisfied during childhood. Therefore, if you have a relationship with such a pattern in your life, it would be useful to question your partner selection criteria.
One of the approaches that best explains jealousy is the Transactional Analysis approach. According to this approach, jealousy There are three basic variables that determine . These are attachment, insecurity, and excitability. None of these factors alone causes jealousy; All three must be processed together. If we look at the attachment factor, the individual experiencing jealousy is in a relationship that requires investment. This person has an expectation of relational outcomes, so he or she will experience some losses if the relationship ends. commitment as investment and expectations for results increase; As attachment increases, the severity of reactions to situations that trigger jealousy increases. However, attachment alone, without a sense of insecurity, does not lead to jealousy. Insecurity exists to a greater or lesser extent in every relationship, but as the partner's level of commitment and investment in the relationship decreases, the individual's feeling of insecurity increases. Excitability is a condition that increases the intensity of emotional reactions to situations that trigger jealousy.
According to transactional analysis, jealousy is a result of the interaction between internal and external variables. These variables are not always equally influential in determining responses to jealousy. Therefore, jealousy is divided into two according to this approach. Skeptical jealousy; Rather, it is jealousy in which internal variables play a role. Emotions such as anxiety, anger, doubt and sadness come to the fore. There is an obsessive distrust of the partner and the behavior is constantly monitored to find flaws. The slightest trigger will cause an extreme reaction, even if there is no significant evidence. Reactive jealousy is jealousy determined mostly by external variables. This type of jealousy is seen in relationships where the relationship is really damaged, depending on the situation.
Jealousy is a subject that attracts a lot of attention and research in social sciences. One of the most tested variables in these studies is gender. The results show that jealousy is seen equally in men and women, rather than one gender showing more jealousy behavior than the other, as expected. However, the strategies used when dealing with jealousy It was observed that there was a gender difference. One of the important results of the research is that while women follow more constructive strategies than men, men follow more destructive strategies.
Based on this result, it is possible to ask the following question: How do we deal with jealousy? According to Bryson, methods of dealing with jealousy occur in line with two basic motivations. These two motives are to preserve the relationship and to preserve self-esteem. It is claimed that the difference in coping strategies between men and women occurs due to these two basic motivations. While women are more likely to protect the relationship, they use more constructive strategies (such as communicating, identifying the problem and offering solutions); It can be stated that men's instincts to protect their self-esteem are more intense and, accordingly, they follow more destructive strategies (aggressive behavior, etc.). It can be said that gender is not the only variable in giving these constructive or destructive reactions. It is also among the data determined by researchers that unmarried couples follow more destructive strategies than married couples. Another important data emerged when looking at the duration of the relationship. Accordingly, as the duration of the relationship increases, the strength of emotional, physical and cognitive reactions in case of jealousy decreases, and individuals turn to more constructive solutions. Apart from this, we can state that the age of individuals creates a significant difference in the way they experience and cope with jealousy. As people get older; Becoming more experienced in emotional relationships and developing different skills enables them to be less affected by situations that cause jealousy and to approach problems with more constructive solutions even if they experience these situations.
Research shows that many factors (age, marital status, gender, relationship duration, self-esteem, etc.) play a facilitating or complicating role in how to experience or cope with jealousy. However, what is more important is that people are aware of this situation and can go deeper by determining the reasons. While doing this, those who receive therapy support will progress faster; There are stereotyped patterns It would be correct to say that they can enjoy these relationships more and establish relationships that serve their well-being.
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