In one of the countries, there was a beautiful, beautiful and tidy woman.
One day, this woman met the most handsome man of the country and they fell in love with each other.
They chased the days, they read, They worked, traveled, and decided to get married.
They planned a perfect wedding and then became a couple that fascinated everyone who saw them.
Their home was pure white walls, rows of books standing in line, tidy cupboards, the same It consisted of armchairs and carpets in different colors.
The color white was so dominant in the house that those who entered sometimes sat with sunglasses.
They went to work every day with clean, ironed clothes. Her shoes were polished, her hands and hair were very well-groomed.
This couple decided that they wanted to have children one day.
The woman planned everything in advance, read books, ate her meals regularly, and made her husband read the books too. and ensured that he was well fed. And when they finally said we were ready, the woman found out she was pregnant.
The baby listened to music throughout the pregnancy, pilates yoga and 9 months have passed.
They came home with the baby.
They put the baby in the crib they had carefully prepared for him, and they immediately opened the relevant page of the book, the page that started with "When you come home with the baby...".
There is no room for mistakes in their lives, they will always live according to the book.
As time went by, our baby grew up.
She was a sweet baby girl. But there was something wrong. What they did no longer conformed to the information in the book.
As the child went beyond the book, the parents tried to put him in the same mold.
His hands and feet were tangled.
Days passed and everything was tangled together like a ball.
They couldn't find the end of the rope.
The child was restless, the mother and father were unhappy.
One day, the child started painting the walls with crayons in his hand. The mother was about to say stop, but the father silenced her.
He even took a pencil and painted it with his daughter.
The mother held back at first, but when she saw how happy her daughter was, she joined the game.
From that day on, the mother and father only followed their own intuition and their daughter's behavior. They took their work into consideration.
They played a lot of games and made a mess.
They made a lot of mistakes.
There was unlimited happiness in their home, but they also set some basic rules.
It is good for everyone to have certain rules at home rather than having rules for everything, to have clear boundaries but to stretch them from time to time.
The house is no longer white, color has come.
The books were not arranged in an orderly manner.
Their shoes were sometimes unpainted and their clothes unironed.
But what was not missing in their home were emotions.
The family is happy as they learned to embrace all emotions and colors. lived happily.
As the story goes, when our family painted the walls together, they realized that happiness lies in trusting their intuition. They realized that they needed to add a color other than white to their lives. I felt so relieved the other day when I listened to Büşra Tarçalır and Pınar Mermer's wonderful parenting conversation. It is very difficult for parents who are constantly bombarded with information! Parents who are afraid of everything they do lose their intuition after a while. However, intuition, observing your baby/child and noticing their needs are so valuable!
It is more valuable than dozens of books you have read/will read. There is no prescription for parenting. And as Pınar Mermer said, “no one was promised a rose garden.” We cannot parent without difficulty, without making mistakes, without stumbling. As long as we can compensate for what happened. And another important thing they say is that children don't just get traumatized. Trauma is a "cleft" as Büşra Tarçalır says. It may be due to hurtful and neglectful parental attitudes that are repeated over and over again.
Dear parent, take a deep breath. Congratulate yourself. Pat yourself on the back for every good thing you try. Then go back and look at your child, what do you think he needs? A perfect mother and a perfect life? To love, to be accepted with all their mistakes and beauties?
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