Denizli became the 5th province with the highest number of divorces in Turkey with a rate of 2.67 per thousand according to the data of 2021. So why do couples get divorced in Denizli? What can spouses do for a happy marriage? Ebru Özer Özkul explained.
The provinces with the highest divorce rate in Turkey are İzmir, Antalya, Uşak, Muğla and Denizli, respectively. According to TUIK data, İzmir had the highest divorce rate with 3.04 per thousand in 2021, while Denizli ranked 5th with a rate of 2.67 per thousand. While the number of divorced couples was 136 thousand 570 in 2020, it became 174 thousand 85 in 2021.
Ebru Özer Özkul stated that there has been an increase in divorces throughout Turkey and the world during the pandemic, which is due to the fact that spouses spend more time together in a limited space. Stating that women do not accept emotional violence, Ebru Özer Özkul gave the following information:
Women Do Not Accept Emotional Violence…
“Denizli first prospered economically, then developed itself in the field of education and culture. From this point of view, although the living conditions in Denizli have changed, the men's perspective on marriage has remained the same. This is a phenomenon that allows the emotional and psychological pressures on women to continue.
On the other hand, it is noteworthy that the divorce rates are high in provinces that have developed in the field of education and culture and where women participate more in working life. Because women, who became conscious with the education they received and the increase in their cultural level, had a consciousness that could recognize the emotional violence applied to them. They understand that a man who makes statements such as "Don't go there, don't do this, don't wear this, I think it's good for you" is using emotional violence against them. These and similar statements are perceived as an intervention to one's self-esteem, identity and freedom, exactly as it should be in women's minds. Under these conditions, conflicts in marriage become inevitable.”
Spouses' Individual Wishes Should Be Respected...
Emphasizing that the individual wishes of spouses should be respected, Ebru Özer Özkul said, healthy marriages and communication problems He made the following suggestions to couples for a solution:
“For marriage to go well, it is necessary to have a parallel view of the institution of marriage. However, there is a perception difference in the perspective of men and women. While women generally view marriage as sharing life, producing something together and raising children, men see women as an entity that makes their life easier. From this point of view, the woman turns into an entity that washes the man's laundry, cooks, looks after the children, and meets his sexual needs when necessary. In such a relationship, the woman can't get the emotion.
In a marriage union, the spouses may have private areas, their own hobbies, friendships from the past that they want to maintain. At this point, when you want to get together with friends, the understanding of "I let you go out with your friend" is extremely wrong. Spouses should not need to ask each other's permission in such matters. These are things that should not be graces. Spouses should respect each other's individual wishes. For example, one of the spouses going to a course or participating in a social activity may upset the balance in the home. Someone else may need to pick up the child from school that day. Spouses should be able to tolerate them. They should respect each other's tastes.
Of course, spouses should not overstep their own boundaries while taking care of their hobbies. They should not neglect their responsibilities towards their spouses and children. Child care should not be left to one person. In short, for a healthy marriage, you first need to be aware of your own emotions and the dynamics of the relationship. You need to express your feelings. In this respect, spouses should accept and respect each other's private areas, and while doing this, duties and responsibilities should be neglected. Thus, the psychological pressure is removed and they continue their lives as happier individuals. Understanding and smiling are important. Who wouldn't want to be happy in a marriage union?
Maintain the Marriage? Divorce?
For a marriage to last, both spouses must have motivation to stay married. If one wants and the other does not, it is not possible for a marriage to work. If criticism increased, accusations increased, forgiveness and tolerance decreased, Unfortunately, these marriages do not last if blaming the other party has become a habit. On the other hand, although there are problems in the marriage, if the spouses are willing to continue the marriage and solve the problems, then it can get better. So the value and love given to the spouse is important. Problems often arise from a misunderstanding of the concept of "Value". To value does not mean to envy, to restrict. On the contrary, to value is to accept the other person as he is, to care about his feelings and thoughts, to act with the awareness that he is a single individual. This perspective brings harmony with it.
Love, Respect and Conversation…
Love, respect and conversation are indispensable for a healthy and long-lasting relationship. In such a union, communication skills are developed and the problems are noticed immediately. Clearly expressing expectations without any hints strengthens communication. In strong communication, mutual breakage and hurt are minimized. We call the communication established in this way emotional dressing. Of course, balance is important here. Sentences that are made without any respect, saying 'I will say it to your face', and the use of these expressions in a community allows people to inflict irreversible wounds and disrupts the marriage union. Breaking and breaking in a marriage union is not even the last thing to want. For this reason, a person must first know himself, be aware of his feelings and thoughts so that he can determine what he wants and what he can do, his limits, possibilities and impossibilities. Thus, feelings become expressive without hurting the other party and without destroying their self-esteem.
If the spouses cannot solve their problems on their own, if they cannot continue or terminate their marriage in a healthy way, then they may be advised to seek expert help. Getting expert help can also be recommended in terms of a possible separation and the healthy functioning of the next process."
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