How do I explain death and war to a child?
Expert Psychologist Burçin Demirkan Baytar talked about the traces left by negative events on children and the duty of parents at this point.
Friday, August 21, 2015
p>Considering the country's agenda, we have been going through a difficult period lately. I wonder how this period we are going through, which causes social damage, affects children and what kind of scars does it leave on them? How should we answer children's questions about what happened? What should be avoided when talking about violence, war and death? Expert Psychologist Burçin
Demirkan Baytar answered our questions.
- We are going through a difficult process. There is violence, war and death in the news we read and watch. How does this affect children's psychology?
Children experience trauma when they witness war, murder, intense family fights, rape, chaos, poverty, violence, a major accident or natural disaster. We are faced with such events in the news every day. The presentation and content of these news can cause trauma to the child. At the same time, these news can present associations that will trigger the traumas he has been exposed to in his life. In this way, events that the child may have put out of consciousness and therefore does not remember are associated with a news story or a photograph. The child experiences tension and stress. No one knows why they are stressed. Today, wars, hunger, poverty, femicide, rape, natural disasters and major accidents all over the world filter into our homes from behind a glass box. Through existing broadcasts, we feel as if we are experiencing death, the screams of helpless people and violence ourselves; fear, pain and despair permeate our homes.
- We may not be aware that our child is affected by the things he watches.
How can parents understand that their children are affected by the news they watch?
/> I have been working mostly with babies, children and teenagers for 20 years. I had the opportunity to make a lot of observations on this subject. Families are not aware of the changes that stress can have on their children's brain structure. That's why sometimes families harm their children the most.
The chemistry of the stressed brain changes. Even neurological research on the brain In research, some changes occur in the structure of the brain that is exposed to stress for a long time, such as its shape shrinking over the years. Stress causes changes in behavior following processes such as changes in emotions and changes in the chemistry of the brain. This shows us that the child is giving signals for help.
- Shouldn't we let children watch these broadcasts? Is not showing it a solution? Yes, of course we won't let you watch it. Not showing it is one step of the solution. Our greatest wish is that children will not be exposed to physical and emotional trauma.
because many codes that will disrupt people's mental and physical health are related to emotions recorded since infancy.
When children experience depression, hyperactivity, bedwetting, constipation, and allergic problems, this situation occurs in the child. The focus is on the symptom rather than the cause. Medication is administered to eliminate this symptom, which is thought to occur coincidentally in that child. However, if you do not approach the child with a holistic approach, even if you can manage that health problem with medications, you will not be able to eliminate your child's health problems. If that problem is brought under control, other health problems will arise in the short or long term. This is why it is necessary to approach health problems holistically. The way to do this is to ensure that the child is in as positive an environment as possible.
Even if you protect children with the family password you add to the computer, attentive television watching strategies and similar positive attitudes, you will not keep your child in a glass bowl. In any case, overprotective parental attitudes damage the child's personality and create an additional stress
factor for the child.
- What other precautions should be taken?
It is rare to find a child who has never experienced trauma. Not all children may suffer serious harm from their experiences. The important thing is to ensure that children stay away from situations that will cause them to be traumatized. Children may experience many problems such as constipation, stubbornness, stuttering, delayed speech, biting, developmental delays, sleep problems, loss of appetite, from 10 months to 66 months (6 years old). In my studies, even if there is no severe trauma, I often observe that children take the stress in the environment and reflect it in this way and get harmed. Therefore, it is very important to provide peaceful parents and positive environments. In order to be peaceful parents, we must protect ourselves from being exposed to violence. The most important feeling that increases children's resilience and enables them to be flexible in the face of situations is trust. The tolerance of the child who trusts the adults around him increases. Gaining the child's trust requires being very careful and consistent. It also requires knowing the way children perceive.
If the adult the child trusts stands by him with courage and love, there is a possibility that the child can have great hopes for life, even if he is exposed to war or genocide. This is possible by being a courageous and determined adult who is well-equipped about children and life.
I remembered one of the movies that explains this best. "Life is Beautiful". The film is about what a family who was exposed to genocide in Germany did to prevent their children from being affected by this war.
- How do we explain the situation we are in, terror, war and violence to children?
I wish we never had to explain it. As an adult, I am not at all willing to think about how I can explain to a bright brain and a warm and pure heart an inhumane situation that I cannot understand and feel helpless about.
If the child asks, we will tell the truth. Whatever the child asks, we will answer sincerely. For example, an 8-year-old boy asked me, "Why is there war?" If he asks, I would say: “There are many reasons. The most well-known reason is this: some people and countries want to have the most money in the world.
That's why they fight among themselves.” This conversation can expand with the questions the child will ask.
- How should we explain death to the child?
This question is the subject of an article in itself. It is important not to lie to children in these situations. If you do not know the answer to the question asked by the child, you should not say that you do not know. Your answer should not scare the child and should reassure him. It should not create a feeling of guilt. "She is sleeping. You should not make sentences like "God took him with you." The child establishes new bonds of trust with simple, sincere, honest and loving answers. Thus, he heals his wounds.
- Will the children's influence from this news reflect on their future behavior? In other words, what negative behaviors can a child who feels that he is in an unsafe environment show in the future?
Stay The senses of an adult with p disease, an obese young girl, or a woman with cancer get sick before their organs. And one day, that feeling somehow makes him sick. If this does not manifest physically, it manifests itself in emotional problems. Although violent news is not like the actual experience, it disturbs people's emotions by exposing them to stress.
Interview: Dilay Argün
Photo: Osman Sağırlı
In the shot taken in Syria, the child is seen. The reason he raises his hands in the air is that he thinks the camera is a gun.
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