My wife and I are having the most trouble with this issue. However, everything was so beautiful in the beginning... I knew that she was exactly the husband I was looking for. There was a lively, cheerful, restless man in front of me. The most important feature that attracted me to him was also his emotional nature. Of course, many things have changed in our relationship over the years. I still love him, but for some reason I'm annoyed that he expresses himself freely in front of everyone. People may misunderstand or think negatively about us. I told him many times that he needed to control himself, but it always ended in an argument. Can you believe that he even cried once while watching a movie with his friends? We were disgraced. As if all this was not enough, in recent years I have started to experience crying crises after anger outbursts. No matter how ashamed I am of this, there are times when I lose control. At moments like these, my father comes to my mind. When I was a child, crying was not allowed in our house. My father made this rule. My mother couldn't make a sound either. Whenever we had tears in our eyes, he would say, "Don't let your father see you." Crying was a shameful thing... My father wouldn't tell us that he loved us either. He doesn't say it, but he loves it. He loved us by buying toys, he loved us by taking us to the amusement park, he loved us by feeding us…
If you choose to control your emotions and explain them in logical ways instead of expressing them, and if you think that you will be ashamed and negative when you express your feelings, one of the reasons for this experience is " "emotion suppression" schema... This schema tells you that you need to over-control the expression of your emotions. You prefer self-control over spontaneity of emotions. Because of the schema, you cannot express your emotions, get happy, angry or excited easily.
You may be perceived as "cold" by those around you. We see that positive effects emerge if certain points we need in our childhood are met in order to become adults who adapt well to life. So it doesn't have to be perfect. The answer to the question of what a child needs for his development actually lies in a number of universal needs that every human being needs to be met. A child must first need to feel safe, have autonomy, self-esteem, He needs self-expression, realistic boundaries, and a sense of connectedness with others. If these are met, the child's psychology will progress healthily. If it is missing; Early maladaptive schemas formed by the damaging effect of these unmet needs develop throughout life. These are our core beliefs about ourselves that are difficult to change. They are self-destructive patterns that begin in childhood and repeat throughout life. One of these is the "suppression of emotions" schema... Due to the schema effect, you think that you will have negative experiences as a result of the expression of emotions and that people will not accept you. For this reason, you take on a strict appearance, want your loved ones who express their emotions freely to control their emotions, and force them to maintain self-control. However, you, like everyone else, need to show your emotions. Because you cannot do this, your anger that you cannot show accumulates over time and you may experience sudden outbursts of anger. What could be the origins of the "suppression of emotions" schema that may cause you to have difficulty in interpersonal relationships? In your childhood, you may have been prevented from showing your emotions by your parents or even blamed for it. The expression of emotions was shown as a shameful and shameful situation, and it was supported by the parents that it would be right for the person to control himself. Understand the importance of uncovering repressed emotions as you struggle with your schema. When you talk about your feelings, observe and try to enjoy the consequences. Remember that it will not be easy to change the way you learned in your childhood. Keep in mind that the emotions you thought were lost are with you. Just feel and express...
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