Cheating or infidelity is a frequently used topic in couples therapy. Cheating can be explained by one of the couples being sexually or emotionally involved with someone else. However, this explanation varies from culture to culture and even between each couple. Cheating is a result of many problems experienced in the side relationship, such as not noticing an existing problem, couples not understanding this problem in each other, not realizing it, and even if they notice and understand it, they ignore it instead of dwelling on the problem and talking about it. Cheating is like the visible part of the problem. In fact, even though the person who is cheated on may seem like a person who is left out, excluded, and turned away from, I foresee the beginning of a three-way relationship here. Most of the time, the parties know each other and this tripartite relationship continues for a while. If the cheater is a man, unfortunately, I hear that in our culture, some male-dominated discourses see 'doing this as a sign of masculinity, a power'. The 'he is a man, he cheats' approach and stereotypical thoughts exist. This forbidden love is very attractive to men, and in fact, they do not give up their temperamental habits even if any of their spouses do evil that will destroy the world. Repentance is made, assurances are made, but deception is repeated again and again. I observe that; On the man's side, whenever a problem occurs for his child because of his own cheating, then he regrets it. In fact, people who cheat often think very little about the mental health of the person they cheated with, but ask whether their child is psychologically damaged or not. If the mental health of the mother in a home is not good, how can the mental health of the children in the home be good?
On the other hand, cheating causes severe psychological wounds. Negative cognitions about oneself are formed, such as 'am I not valuable, I am not loved, this should not be the result of all my efforts, am I not beautiful?' And during this period, most men or women undergo plastic surgery, change their clothing style, and begin to pay more attention to their appearance (even if they are already beautiful).
Well, when we talk about the cheater and the cheated on, the lives of these two continue while they are third. We did not talk about the person. The public feels great anger and anger towards this third person. But come and see, people who don't know themselves well enough about what they expect from life I see that they haven't questioned it enough or they haven't socratically questioned exactly what kind of relationship they expect. In fact, topics such as how to establish the right relationship, how to be with a reliable man in relationships, and how to end the relationship with the same person even though you know that he will do you harm. But most importantly, if you were not valued in your childhood, you may have difficulty establishing a relationship that will be valued in adulthood. Therefore, while Socratic questioning is carried out with these people in therapy, the aim is for them to learn the real relationship by experiencing it with the therapist.
If the cheating is on the part of the woman; almost very few appear. Because women are used to lying and covering up their mistakes since childhood, they are not easily exposed. Research shows that women in the metropolis are now cheating more than before. I describe this as a passive aggression of a woman who has been oppressed for years.
Not every relationship can end after being cheated on, and post-cheat therapies continue with forgiveness-acceptance issues. But most importantly, hearing what your partner says, being able to mirror it, empathic listening can only occur in therapy in a safe environment with the therapist
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