Anxiety and fear are natural emotions that we all encounter in daily life. We can still maintain our place in the evolutionary tree and continue our lineage thanks to our brain's ability to predetermine situations that may have unpleasant consequences and create a defense mechanism against these situations. If our ancestors didn't have feelings of anxiety and fear, most of them might have ended up as a lion's lunch in the savannah. Every day, we ensure our safety with the engine power created by our various concerns and we pay more attention to the work we do. As long as we can manage, direct and control the dose, we can say that anxiety and fear are not our enemies, but rather our friends.
Of course, as adults, we have the ability to reason; Most of the time, we can overcome our anxieties with our logic and reasoning skills. We can create cause-effect relationships in our minds, interpret our experiences and statistics, calculate probabilities, and restrain our anxieties. For children, dealing with anxiety is a little more challenging... They do not have enough life experience to draw conclusions from their experiences, their reasoning skills are limited and their reasoning skills are not yet established. They do not have the ability to create cause-effect relationships and see the big picture as much as we do, and therefore the feeling of anxiety can affect their lives much more quickly than us.
Starting from the early parenting period, parents have been suffering for many years. They witness their children's anxiety and fear throughout. Stranger anxiety in babies manifests itself by hugging the parent's neck tightly when they come face to face with a stranger, while anxiety about being separated from the parent emerges when they are 10-18 months old. Anxiety that occurs between the ages of 4 and 6 is mostly about unreal things such as ghosts and monsters. Anxiety and fears after the age of 7 are now shaped on the basis of reality and manifest themselves with emotions such as injury anxiety and fear of natural disasters.
As children grow up, one anxiety is replaced by another; Although the basis of the feeling of anxiety remains the same, the reasons vary according to age and circumstances. When approaching an anxious child, you should respect his feelings without reinforcing his fears. It is necessary to be aware of the need for z. Because, as we said at the beginning, these are natural emotions for children as well as for us; Whether the reasons make sense to us or not...
So, how should we help the anxious child, how should we approach him or her and how should we communicate with him? How can parents comfort and support their anxious children? In addition to what should be done, what should not be done or said to an anxious child?
Lending a hand to an anxious child: Do's and don'ts
New York University School of Medicine, Pediatrics and Pediatrics Working in the Department of Adolescent Psychiatry, Dr. As a result of his research and analysis, Clark Goldstein has presented a study that guides parents in helping their anxious children. Although there is no school for parenting, this study shows that parents are asking, "What if I approach my child in the wrong way, what if I say the wrong thing?" It is possible for them to find solutions to their concerns.
1. Your goal is not to eliminate anxiety; helping your child manage this emotion.
Of course, no parent wants to see their child unhappy, but trying to eliminate stressful factors is not the right thing to do for an anxious child. The right thing to do is to teach the child to cope with their anxiety so that they can function in the best way possible. In this way, anxiety will decrease and even disappear over time.
2. Do not ignore events just because they make your child anxious.
Although trying to keep anxiety-provoking elements away from the child's world and preventing him from seeing and experiencing may make him feel good for a short time, it will feed anxiety and increase his level of anxiety in the long run. For example, a child becomes anxious in an uncomfortable situation and starts crying—not to manipulate, but because he feels like it. What do parents do? It removes either the anxious child or the anxiety-triggering element from the environment. However, this approach will not be educational or instructive for the child and will repeat constantly.
3. Express your positive - but realistic - expectations.
You cannot make unrealistic promises to an anxious child; test You can't promise him that his school day won't go badly, that he'll have a lot of fun learning to skate, or that none of his friends will laugh at him when he gives a speech in front of the class. But whatever the possible outcomes, you can reassure him that he can handle them all and overcome any undesirable consequences. If you teach an anxious child to face his fears, his anxiety will decrease over time. Realistic approaches will give the child an idea about what he can cope with and to what extent.
4. Respect their feelings, but don't incite them.
Justification for a concern does not imply agreement to avoid it. For example, if the child is due for vaccination and needs to go to the doctor, do not underestimate his or her fears, but do not give them the opportunity to magnify those fears. Listen with empathy, help him realize why he's really worried, and encourage him to confront the situation. Your message is this: I know you are afraid, this is normal. I'm with you and we can get through this together.”
5. Do not ask leading questions.
While encouraging the child to express his/her feelings, stay away from leading questions. “Are you worried or afraid about the exam?” Instead of asking, “How are you feeling about the exam?” Ask.
6. Do not reinforce the child's fears.
Children are experts at reading body language and tone of voice. No matter what your words indicate, they can sense the fear and anxiety between the lines. Let's say if a child has had a negative experience with a dog and your attitude is anxious the next time he encounters a dog, he will still be worried no matter what you say.
7. Encourage your child to tolerate his anxiety.
It takes time to tolerate each type of anxiety and to learn what to do in relevant situations. Let the child know that you appreciate his efforts and remind him that he will get better at coping with time.
8. Try to keep the anxiety period short.
When we are afraid of something, the hardest time is the time spent waiting for the thing we fear. Parents can shorten this period in some cases. For example, go to the doctor If a doctor's appointment has been made for a child who is afraid of eating, choose a more appropriate time to share it, instead of sharing it hours in advance and prolonging the anxiety and reaction time.
9. Review the elements of anxiety with your child.
Sometimes it may be necessary to talk with the child about what will happen if his fears come true. A child who experiences separation anxiety from his or her parent may experience the fear of not being able to see or find his or her parent after school. You can talk to her about what to do in a possible scenario.
“What do you do when your mother doesn't come?”
“I tell my teacher.”
“What does your teacher do?”
“She calls my mother and stays with me until she comes. waits.”
Children who know they have a plan for negative scenarios will feel less anxious.
10. Be a role model for your child in anxiety management.
The child does what he sees, not what he is told. While there are many ways you can help an anxious child, perhaps the best thing you can do is to be a role model. A child who witnesses his parent not being able to cope with anxiety and constantly complaining about it will take the parent's approach to anxiety as an example. Of course, you are not expected to act like everything is fine. On the contrary, it is beneficial for them to see how you handle an anxiety-provoking situation.
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