Human beings are born without completing their development. It needs another to complete its development. Living in a community becomes a necessity in human nature and evolution. Embarrassment appears to be a fundamental function of socialization. Although the feeling of shame exists from birth, we see that human beings, who do not recognize this feeling at birth, experience this feeling as they socialize. According to Allan Shore; In the second year, the mother's role in the baby's world changes towards socialization. The mother now uses facial expressions and embarrassment to inhibit her toddler's activities. With this event, the individuation interaction is stopped. The feeling of discovery, experienced with positive emotion and excitement, is experienced incompatibly with the mother's sense of shame. In this way, the baby's narcissistic feeling is extinguished with a sudden source.
We see that the feeling of shame is a necessary emotion to socialize individuals and turn the individual into a member of the family.
Culture, geography and life become a non-negotiable issue after a certain period of time. We see that the community-type structure in Turkish culture reduces the verbal and physical sharing of emotions. For example, in the past culture, it was considered shameful and intense shame for parents to love their children. In community-type societies, it is a common practice to shame the individual and keep him under control so that he does not stray from the culture. It is possible to see that, especially in cases where individualization occurs, which we call dissociation, individuation and self-activation, attempts are made to prevent the individual by shaming him. In Turkish culture, it is possible to see that the community represents power from time to time. We can see that emotions come into play where it is important that power is not divided. We can say that the feeling of shame can also be used in these situations.
We also see the feeling of shame brought by culture among the emotions we encounter in the session room. For example, the client who shares his sadness and emotion with the therapist reveals a secondary feeling of shame. We see that the client's change in separation and individuation during the therapy process reveals the feeling of shame. The individual's individuation process According to emotion-focused therapy, reaching primary emotions and revealing secondary emotions constitute the basis of treatment. According to the Masterson approach, it is thought that it will be beneficial to proceed with the clarification, confrontation, interpretation and reframing techniques used by the therapist.
WHAT IS EMOTION?
Emotion, processing information, the situation the individual is in. It is thought to have a function that enables humans to develop harmonious responses to adapt to the environment and ensure human survival and well-being. Emotion is considered as the embodiment of the relationship we establish with the most basic needs. Emotions enable us to respond immediately to situations for our well-being. .(Greenberg, L. 2001)
Once activated, emotions create behavioral tendencies that will ensure evolutionary survival. These emotion-based behavioral tendencies are generally rapid and automatic responses produced by the brain, they are not expressed in essence and involve the evaluation of the instant results and reflections of the current situation regarding the needs of the individual. .(Greenberg, L. 2001)
According to emotion-focused therapy, it is thought that there are 7 basic emotions, felt neurobiologically in the right brain, that enable the individual to survive and facilitate adaptation to daily life. One of these basic emotions is the feeling of shame. (Greenberg, L. 2001)
The Feeling of Shame is thought to exist as a core in the creation of the individual, but this feeling occurs in infancy. The environment and need to experience the emotion does not arise. In order for the baby to acquire behaviors compatible with society and culture in the future, the baby is given experiences without the purpose of shame or punishment. In this way, cultural and social rules are acquired by the individual during the transition from infancy to child. (Özakkaş, T. 2017)
However, in individuals who cannot live sufficiently with the feeling of shame, caring parents shame the children to make them dependent on them, feelings of dissociation, individualization and discovery, shame. They become dependent individuals by being hindered by their emotions. This situation turns the person into an individual who feels ashamed of his/her existence. (Özakkaş, T. 2017)
When the feeling of shame cannot be adequately regulated, the individual has difficulty expressing himself in the social environment. While living, he cannot feel safe enough. Sometimes this situation can turn into social phobia. Being present in a group can turn into panic due to feelings of shame. The intense anxiety, guilt and panic that arise from regulating the feeling of shame can prevent the person from demonstrating his performance. (Özakkaş, T. 2017)
The Beginning of Socialization and the Emergence of Shame
p>In the baby's second year, the focus is on suppressing undesirable behaviors for the baby's socialization tendency. That is, parents begin to place limits on activities that are socially unacceptable and may be pleasurable for the child. They demand that the child suppress certain emotions that he likes. In the 12th and 18th months, exploration and destructive activities are limited, toilet and boundary training is given. (Paul H. Mussen, John J. Conger and Jerome Kagan, 1969)
The most important information for the development of the human brain is the physical environment. Instead, it is transmitted by the social environment. The baby brain must begin to effectively participate in the social information transfer process that suggests entry into culture. (Don M. Tucker 1992) In this information perspective, it is possible to say that the feeling of shame has an important function for socialization.
The baby uses the mother's care during the early period of development. While the emotion includes 90% compassionate care, in the toddler this situation is 50% compassion, and there is an increase in restriction and restriction from activities. (Schore, A.N. 2012)
Observational studies show that 12-month-old babies receive more positive influences from mothers, while 18-month-old babies receive mostly instructions and guidance from both parents.(Fargot & Kavanaugh). Mothers of 11- to 17-month-old toddlers express frustration on average every 9 minutes, thus making numerous demands for impulse control on the infant (Powewr & Chapieski, 1986). It is thought that parents use discourse, facial expressions and feelings of shame while doing this. It is possible to say that the feeling of shame is present at the beginning of the baby's development, but only emerges or begins to form in these months. . (Schore, A.N. 2012)
During this period, the baby's emotions change from parasympathetic to sympathetic. It appears to show a transition. For many writers, a small dose of shame facilitates growth. According to Mahler, this period is considered as the child's transition from primary narcissism to secondary narcissism. Kohut focused on the need for mirroring and the sudden and unprepared cessation of primary mirroring. . (Schore, A.N. 2012)
The experience of shame is related to unmet expectations. The visual cue that triggers the feeling of shame is when the practicing toddler focuses intently on the mother's eyes and the mother expresses disappointment in the eye-to-eye connection and affective communication. Shame is experienced by the child as interference, hindering communication. The mother's facial expression shows disgust and is not libidinal. This expression of disgust causes 'narcissistic anger' in the child
. . (Schore, A.N. 2012)
The eye is the most valid organ for embarrassing exposure, and the mother's facial expression and interaction with the baby create embarrassment. The feeling of shame enables socialization by terminating the need for attachment and suppressing the feeling of magnificence. . (Schore, A.N. 2012)
The optimal, 'good enough mother' in the late arousal period is the one who can tolerate the activation of stress socialization interactions in the baby. (Winicott, 1971) will reduce the babyish appearance of shame It is thought to increase internal regulation emotions.
SHAME
Shame and body reactions and the transformation of shame into pride
Shame states also inhibit emotional flexibility and variability. Shame situations restrain the victim's complex and fluid emotions, both positive, such as interest-enthusiasm and joy-pleasure, and negative, such as anger-rage and fear-terror, about himself, the other and relationships (Tomkins, 1963). Shame's capacity to shut down or regulate both positive and negative emotions (Schore, 2003) is temporary and incomplete, but can precipitate a rebound effect dominated by shame-anger (Lewis, 1971) or shame-terror cycles. When patients are overwhelmed by unbearable shame, anger, and terror, dissociation provides a temporary escape until the cycle is forcibly and intrusively repeated (Benau, 2020a, 2020b).
Mind and body become one (Spinoza, 2006/1677). ) eye � Considering that the physical, emotional and psychological symptoms of shame are always multifaceted rather than unidirectional. While a state of shame may be a result of somatic immobilization, it may also lead to limitation of behavior, emotion, and thought. This can be observed in the stereotypic posture of shame, where the head is down and the eyes look down and away, which is associated with both restricted thinking and a hollow chest that restricts breathing, and with the arms pulling the body inward into a frozen fetal position that profoundly alters feelings about others. (Benau, 2020a, 2020b) There is a fluid, easy movement within one's thoughts, beliefs, and capacity to create meaning (White & Epston, 1990).
Clinical observations show that “good enough ego pride” (Benau, 2018, p. 134) and “existential pride” (Benau, 2018, pp. 134– 135) appear with decreased tension and peaceful expansion of the chest. showed. This expansion of the chest is good for both the heart (increased blood flow) and the lungs (easier breathing). These autonomic changes naturally lead to an energetic state of well-being through the circulation of blood and oxygen, as well as pleasurable energy, throughout the person's body.
Evolution of shame into worthlessness
A person stuck in a state of shame feels He fails to see in all its manifold complexity, only "seeing" his own worthlessness. Covering oneself is said to be a common expression of shame, with the Proto-Indo-European root of the word shame being kem- “to cover” (Etymonline, 2020). To cover oneself is to hide both from the embarrassing other and from oneself, and to fail to see and integrate the previously dissociated parts of the self into the whole.]
Trauma and shame
Shaming states that follow sexual abuse cause the patient to recurrent somatic sensations (the feeling of collapsing or falling as the patient's body or entire body parts become immobilized and their energy or arousal decreases); emotional reactions (embarrassment); implicit or explicit beliefs and beliefs about self, other, and relationships
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