One of the most common (futile) methods of trying to protect yourself from sadness is to think about the worst and prepare for the worst. I often hear the phrases "I should think about the worst so that I don't get upset later" or "I get even more upset later" in sessions. There is a belief as if it is possible not to be sad at all when the fearful event happens, even if it does not happen now. Or some people think that by being sad in installments from today, they are gradually accustoming themselves to sadness. Howeversadness cannot be paid in advance or in installments.
Is it possible to be less sad? Can you be upset with the portion size? If you are going to be sad, you will be sad; The more you need to be sad, the more sad you will be. If it is something you value, there is nothing more natural than feeling sad if it is lost in the future. Otherwise, it means that you didn't actually want it, you were chasing someone else's dream (which I think is the saddest thing). I ask those who think that they will not be sad after being sad and sad, can you really be less sad when you think about it the next day, the next day? The answer is usually no. Instead of getting sad once when the worries/fears come true, thinking about it every day and feeling sad the same amount every day will only increase the sadness, not reduce it. In fact, one often experiences unnecessary sadness for an event that may never happen. Even if it happens, it will be even more sad.
Let's assume that you managed to get upset in advance and finish it in one go and never think about it again (I have never seen someone like this). If you feel the same amount of sadness, what would change in your life by being sad today rather than tomorrow? So, what is tried to be prevented is not only sadness, but also disappointment. Perhaps one is trying to escape not sadness but only disappointment. An attempt is made to prevent disappointments about oneself and loved ones. However, disappointment means 'hope', it means 'to dream'. Disappointment means 'striving for the dream', 'living'. Imagination is the beginning of creation. Nobel Prize-winning author Bernard Shaw “You dream what you wish, you aim what you dream, in the end you create what you aim.” he said. To avoid disappointment A person who lives without dreaming has no tomorrow.
Living well means learning from our brokenness, forgiving, dreaming again, doing your best. Sayings like think positive, be positive, send positive energy to the universe, etc. always come from here. Of course, nothing can happen with the sheer power of thought or the energy of positive power alone. Action is required. But what is meant by energy is the inner strength that will push you to action. You can imagine, feel good with that happy future, and turn that good energy you feel inside into action. Of course, we don't have everything in our hands. It may not happen; Then it is necessary to go back and review your dream. Realistic foundations are also important. After all, we create our dreams, not fairy tales. Shouldn't I be the princess of my own fairy tale, shouldn't I have the right to happiness? If happiness lies in living the moment today, hope is in tomorrow. One of the bad aspects of being a pessimist in advance is that you can think of all the bad possibilities of an event and its continuation scenarios (I It is the habit of thinking about these (I call them parallel universes of anxiety) and feeling sorry for them all. This is often accompanied by a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder. These types of people often do this out of fear that they will not be able to cope with negativities so that they can think ahead and take precautions. Anxiety alarms us and helps us take precautions and protect ourselves. But with excessive anxiety, so many possibilities, details and distant futures are thought about that they freeze up like a computer running multiple programs at the same time and slowing down, and they become unable to take action. I see it as an attempt to pay off the loan collectively. Let yourself be sad when the time comes, what's the benefit of shutting it down other than getting you into trouble? If you pay as much as you can when the time comes. While thinking "It's not like that, it's happening like that, then it will end up bad like this, I'll be bad like that", one feels sad at the same time for different futures (for different parallel universes) that cannot happen in the same time period. Nobody can bear such pain anyway. Fortunately, we cannot live in more than one place at the same time. It won't all happen at the same time. In the emotional intensity of two scenarios at the same time, I can't cope with these negativities. It is very natural to think like "I will." It's not even ours yet. Let's say, "I promise I will be very sad when it happens, but not now." When the first bad possibility comes to our mind, let's turn off the video in our minds. Let's not watch a horror movie. Let's open the dream channel. While watching, let's focus on what we can do today for the first bad possibility, with the energy given by the dream. Let's do our best. For those who are not under our control, let's go back to the beginning and say, "I will be sad when it happens, but not now." Let's not be afraid of sadness. After all, it is an emotion of ours like happiness. Nothing lasts forever, including our emotions. We can only prolong the life of our emotions with our thoughts and actions. .Sadness comes and goes. Trust that you can handle it. Most people are amazed at how they can carry real sadness. But when the time comes. Not now.
Let's dream.
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