He wanted to show it to everyone, not just the person himself. He couldn't just be content with himself, everyone needed to hear it. He couldn't get enough of it. He just couldn't be satisfied with these. He had to show everyone that he was a successful person, everyone had to know. As if everyone would be satisfied if they knew. It would be enough now. Now everyone's eyes would be on him. Maybe that was the high point. If he could show everyone that he was successful, he would believe that he was successful, valuable, and had a say. He would know that he is a valuable person, that he is successful, that he is smart, that he is someone whose word counts, without asking people why! Everyone would point at him. "Look, this is him". But would that be enough when they pointed out that? I don't think so, I don't think so at all. The person everyone showed him, the person he said he was, the look directed at him would not satisfy his sense of worth, but on the contrary, would continue to create a feeling of worthlessness. He would think that if he was portrayed as this, his flaws would be constantly talked about. Those looks directed at him where he was not among them would continue to lose themselves in the emptiness where my uncertainty could not fill. It's like this situation will destroy him. Or, in fact, it was already continuing to destroy itself.
The look, that look that is pointed out as "look, this is it!" That look that was almost impossible to handle. It's as if he always emphasizes the flaws and makes you feel as if he's always going to crush you. No matter how much he tries to rise to be successful, he always feels like he's in the pit. As long as he conditioned himself like this, as long as he tried, he would continue to hold on to his lack. He would collapse again, as if he had never achieved anything worthwhile. Still, he was going to pull it together somehow, until he was told, "Look, this is it." It's like a vicious circle that you can't get out of. This vicious circle is exactly about the feeling of failure. About the deficiency attributed to him, attributed to those in him. As if he would never succeed, as if he was always ignored...
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