I've been tense and unhappy lately. I have trouble sleeping at night, if I drink a few drinks, I relax a little, then I fall asleep in a chair. Both my daughters say that I do not take care of them in the evenings. Lately, my wife and I have been arguing a lot because of my parents. I think I'm hurting myself now.
When I started to take the family history of this 38-year-old client who graduated from the Faculty of Business Administration in Eskişehir; Unfortunately, he would have to face the fact that he was swallowed by his parents and was never allowed to become an individual:
When I graduated from university, my mother came to Eskişehir with me, we rented a house and studied together for four years. At first, I liked this situation, but it was interfering with everything.
He always found things bad for my girlfriends, but he didn't like them. I said I wanted to get married one day. Immediately, my father went to Rize, my girlfriend's hometown, and investigated her entire family. Their financial situation was not very good, my mother said, "We will be disgraced one day, who is your bride?" "What will I say if they ask me?" He made me feel uneasy throughout my entire marriage process.
Finally, they saw that I was determined and they accepted on the condition that I lived with them. They bought a house and a car from the site where they lived. I started working at my father's workplace. But no matter what I did, my father never liked it. For exactly ten years, I worked day and night, just to make him happy and gain his appreciation. The company's profits have tripled in the last five years, but in my father's eyes I always remained a failed child.
Our children were born, and this time they did not like our parenting. They took over all the education of our children. Whenever I try to object, I am crushed by my father's greatness, I stutter, and I am scared like a 3-year-old child. I always have my words stuck in my mouth.
Once I was about to tell my mother about it, she told my father, in a very insulting tone, "You live in my house with my money, if you don't like it, leave the keys to everything and go away, don't call me dad again." he shouted.
When will they accept that I have grown up and become an adult? When will they stop making me play like a puppet?
Parents who lie “Everything is for your own good.”; ;
- Because of their own dissatisfaction and fear of abandonment, they always want to keep control of their children.
- To keep control, they say, "everything is yours." "For your good..."They lie.
- On the one hand, they use their financial support in a cruel and destructive way, while on the other hand, they try to present themselves as generous and noble.
- By offering their children opportunities that they cannot give up. They make them dependent on themselves.
- They do not accept that their children have grown up, and they show their inadequacies even if they are parents.
- They create feelings of guilt in their children by acting emotionally.
- They usually blame one of the siblings. They choose victims and compare siblings with each other.
- This situation causes the sibling, who is constantly criticized, to become jealous of the other sibling and weaken the sibling ties between them in the future.
- This should happen at the end of adolescence in a healthy family structure. This process of individualization and becoming an adult cannot occur in children of controlling parents
- Finally; They remain unhappy, helpless, introverted and blamingchild adults
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