Problem; It can be called finding the difference between the current situation and the situation that should be. If this difference perceived by the person is noticed, it is possible to talk about the existence of a problem. Otherwise, differences that do not disturb the person or disrupt the functionality of his/her life will not appear as a problem.
Generally, the problem in the parent-child relationship is determined by whether the behavior is acceptable or unacceptable
by the parents. is associated. It is not the behavior alone that determines which behavior is acceptable and which behavior is unacceptable. The environment in which the behavior is exhibited,
the age of the child, and the current emotional state of the mother and father are also unacceptable factors.
These unacceptable behaviors are actually the problem of the parents, not the child. During a
problem, you can start by first asking yourself questions such as "Who is this problem for?" or "Whose problem does it belong to?" If this is a child's problem, you can first ask him/her to define his problem
, then to share what he thinks about it and finally how he feels
. Here is the key point; is to first identify a situation, then reveal the thought pattern
and reveal the affect this situation creates in the person. This sequence order is very
important. Asking the child about his/her thoughts before his/her emotions after an event enables him/her to realize that thoughts are actually what govern emotions. Then, you can ask him to share with you how he reacted to this problem or what solution he thought of. What else could you do to address this problem
or, if the action had taken place, what else could you have done? By asking questions such as
, you will raise your child as an individual who improves his/her thinking skills and at the same time embraces his/her problem and develops appropriate
solutions. And finally, you should talk about what the
effect of the method your child has found may be in the future, and you can gain the ability to show foresight by predicting the possible consequences.
Children who have attachment problems to their parents are usually parents at a young age
It is among the data we received during therapy that they are individuals who take ownership of their problems. Therefore, in order to give the child a sense of responsibility and to create a secure attachment style in his/her future relationship, you should give this responsibility to your child and you should not intervene until he/she shares the problem with you. For example; When you observe him arguing with his friends, instead of "Come on, apologize, make up,
don't fight", you should approach him with "What is the problem? How else can you solve this situation without both of you getting upset?"
and put your child in the thinking seat. If you pay attention to the first sentence,
it's not your child, it's you who think and you find a solution, even though the problem doesn't belong to you
you even took ownership of it.
Now, I will share with you the problem solving steps in more detail.
Step 1: Identify what the problem is.
What happened? What is the problem?
Step 2: Clarify the thoughts.
What were you thinking when you did that? What was the result when you did this?
3. Step: Have them describe the emotions.
What did you feel?
4. Step: Clarify the feelings about the results.
How did you feel about this result?
(For example, how did you feel when he took your toy?)
Step 5: Encourage the child to produce alternative solutions.
/> Can you think of a different solution to solve this problem?
(You can find a different way that will not upset either of you. What could that way be?)
Step 6: Have the child evaluate each solution. encourage it.
Is this a good idea?
If it is a good idea, go and try it.
7. Step: Praise your child for thinking.
If the solution works, "You thought of everything yourself, congratulations."
If the solution does not work, "You should think of something different." I know you are a well-thought
person. You can approach it as ''.
Enjoy it.
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