Whenever a young person or an adult says, "Oh, parents, I'm not a child anymore," the family's first defense is usually "No matter how old you get, you will always be a child for us." This is a phenomenon frequently observed, especially in semi-traditional societies such as the Turkish family structure. It is not accepted that the child is no longer a child but an adult or that he or she is getting older. Because family ties are so emotional and intertwined that parents cannot accept the fact that their children have grown up and become individuals. So, is this much intertwinedness true? Let's examine it together.
First of all, it is an extremely positive attitude that family members care about each other, feel love for each other, and help and support each other, regardless of their age. For example, we cannot often see this attitude in western societies. For them, the age of 21 is now considered the age of complete individualization, and with this the family withdraws almost all support from their children. The frequency of meetings decreases. Now he is an individual and must fend for himself. I must say that I do not find this aspect of the matter as true as the intertwining situation in our country. Whether young or adult, whether living together or apart, individuals should continue to support each other socially and emotionally and should not completely sever their ties.
However, when we look at Turkish society, this situation can sometimes reach a very exaggerated point. There is an approach suitable for every age. A child should not be treated like a baby, an adult should not be treated like a child, or a child should not be treated like an adult. This situation negatively affects the individual's social, emotional development and self-confidence. For example, when you treat a teenager like a child (making decisions for him without asking him, constantly reminding him of what should be under his control and responsibility, constantly intervening in everything, etc.), even if he reacts with anger, you plant a seed of thought in his mind that will make him feel inadequate. In the later stages of this, the person acquires a personality structure that cannot make his own decisions in adulthood, experiences serious indecision, cannot make a plan for his life and future, is constantly waiting for approval, does not have his own wishes and dreams, and is mortgaged to others. prod. In other words, he looks for a person to depend on. He constantly needs his presence. He tries to take off the responsibility of the choices made by making him decide for himself. Because he feels helpless, weak and pathetic. The dependent may be a spouse, friend or family member. However, a healthy adult should know how to exist on his own (stand on his own feet).
Although it is rarer, the opposite situation may also occur. In other words, there are situations where a child or adolescent is granted adult freedom. In fact, we can call this negligence rather than freedom. These families treat their children completely distantly, coldly, without any emotional interaction, under the name of freedom. The child in this environment can go to extremes and experience these things under the influence of freedom and indifference. It may be possible to compensate for the lack of love and care in inappropriate ways (such as becoming a member of a gang, substance abuse, being angry and insensitive towards people because of growing up without love, committing serious crimes). I tried to give an example and make a comparison. What families need to do is to maintain balance. Boundaries appropriate for all ages should be developed, choices and decisions should be made democratically, and you should take your children's choices seriously. Of course, these choices must be age-appropriate. For example, a 13-year-old child is free to choose the sports course he wants to attend, but being out alone until late at night should not be his choice or decision. Because a child that age is aware of the dangers at night and is not yet old enough to protect himself. However, imposing such a restriction on an adult may be an exaggeration, as he or she is more aware of the risks and solutions.
Therefore, for healthy identity development, parents should always take care of their children in a way appropriate to their age. Must show behaviors and approaches.
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