FIRST REASON
Development is a whole. One of the parts of this whole is sexual development. Today, children have to live in a world dominated by rapidly changing and complex relationships. Traditions and values in society are rapidly being replaced by new values and approaches. This makes the roles of parents increasingly difficult.
As the values in society are replaced by new values, this situation imposes new responsibilities on parents and educators. For this reason, giving sexual education to our children under changing conditions brings with it the questions of "when?", "in what way?" and "by whom?" In fact, some experts emphasize the need to provide sexual education to adults before children. We wanted to share some priority issues with you, with the idea that the knowledge and approach is the responsibility of the parent and will be transferred from the adult to the child.
Sexual Education begins in the family. Sexual education, which begins in the family, should also be continued at school. However, just because the child starts school does not mean that the family will no longer be responsible for sexual education. The important thing is that in-school and out-of-school education complement each other. Sexual Education covers the period from the child's birth to adolescence. The responsibility of the family during this period is; It is to raise the child who is satisfied with his sexual identity and aware of his body and emotions by enlightening him with accurate information appropriate to his developmental level.
The socio-cultural structure, values and beliefs of each family may be different, this is natural. This difference affects the quality of the messages given to the child.
In fact, parents give sexual education to their children from the moment they are born, with their attitudes (punishment, prohibition, shaming, ignoring) and attitudes on sexual issues. All of these are transferred to the child unsystematically and unknowingly. These transfers form the basis of the child's knowledge about sexual identity. Thus, the sexual identity determined in the womb continues to develop and mature throughout life. Children's questions about sexuality concern their own bodies and existence starting from the age of two. Curiosity that starts with questions such as "Mom, how did I become?", "Where did I come from?", etc., and the difference between bodies It extends to . The important thing when asking questions is to satisfy the child's curiosity clearly and without going into details, appropriate to his level. Being natural and comfortable when answering will affect the child's agenda
on the subject. Even though the first questions are ignored by the parent, as the child's awareness increases, he learns whether he can trust the parent.
For these reasons, being comfortable and trustworthy affects subsequent sharing. Children sometimes test parents by asking them about something they have learned. If the parent's answers are evasive, if the parent's voice trembles and gets excited, if the child gets angry and is called "shameful", he/she will not ask any more questions. Since the word "shame" is an abstract word, he/she will not understand what it is and will only feel guilty for the reaction shown. The feeling of shame, which is a significant danger for sexual development, is an emotion that stops the child in adulthood and may cause him to get stuck on sexuality. Since the curiosity of the child who cannot get answers to his questions is not satisfied, he will not be able to close this issue and the subject will become an obsession. Will continue to seek different sources of information. In order not to lose your role as a source of healthy information as parents, you can be honest with him/her about the issues you have difficulty answering and say, "I don't know how to explain the answer to this question to you." You can say "I will find out and tell you" or "Let's investigate together." You can get help from the Guidance Service when you have difficulty.
During the preschool period, children can ask very comfortable and open questions about sexuality in times and environments that we are not ready for. This is very natural. The difficulty here arises not from the child, but from adults' judgments about sexuality. Because society has trained parents in this way. The questions and answers he may ask during this period may be as follows:
Why don't you have a penis like me, mom?: Because you are a man and I am a woman. Women don't have penises, men do.
Why do mothers have breasts? Why dads don't have breasts: Because moms feed babies. When babies are born, mothers have milk in their breasts. Babies drink this milk and grow.
How I was born: There is a nest in mothers' wombs where babies grow. You grew up there and then you were born.
Be afraid because the child asked a question and took an action. It would be more appropriate to try to understand the reason for the behavior rather than getting angry and angry. Even though children have knowledge, they cannot put their sexual tendencies into action because the necessary hormonal development for this has not been completed. That's why a child's perception of sexuality and an adult's perception are never the same. The only thing the child really wants is to learn the secret things. If the things he learns are correct, the child will be protected from misinformation.
In the child's questions about sexuality, "How do you think?", "What do you think?" etc. The questions will help you understand what he knows and how he thinks. When a child asks a question, the important point is to complete the part he/she is curious about and to correct any incorrect information.
SECOND REASON
In addition to the questions and observations they ask their parents, children also try to satisfy their curiosity by playing games with their peers. Being a doctor and being a house are the most popular and frequently played games. They want to examine their bodies, touch them, understand that others are like them, and transfer their energy in this area. Men may lift girls' skirts out of curiosity, and girls may try to see men in the toilet. They may do the same things to their parents and want to see their bodies. In these cases, the similarities and differences can be shown to the child from an age-appropriate book. In this way, the child's curiosity and concerns, if any, can be satisfied.
A young girl's imitation of her mother's breast is an important stage in the development of sexual identity. The child's acceptance of his gender and approval of his body creates a positive sense of identity in later ages. A child who is dissatisfied with his body will experience problems related to this. She uses various methods to overcome this. He tries to convince himself. Concerns about sexuality may include feelings of inadequacy due to not having a penis in girls, damage to the penis in boys, and concerns about circumcision. Jokes made to children about their bodies may disturb them because children believe what adults say. School age children do not ask many questions about sexuality after the age of 7. This does not mean that their curiosity and interest have disappeared. e has learned some things now. During this period, they talk about sexual issues in groups of friends with members of their own gender. Jokes and sayings about sexual issues are used more, especially among boys. While girls are more interested in the knowledge part, boys are more comfortable and free with the power that society gives them in terms of sexual identity. Girls are afraid to emphasize their sexual identity. This is a learned behavior. As in every development, it is useful to monitor behaviors and attitudes that diverge and differ from the general ones. In this period when children do not talk or ask questions, it would be appropriate for parents and educators to be present as observers and reliable sources and to provide information about the process from time to time. In fact, children have more knowledge than their parents and teachers think because they have more resources on this subject than we think. Examples in society, movies they watch and advertisements with sexual content may attract their curiosity and interest in this area. Some children may try to understand what they see through imitation. Attention shifts to the relationship between mother and father. Thus, 'identification', which is very important in the development of sexual identity, is achieved. The girl identifies with the mother to get the father, and the boy identifies with the father to get the mother. This is important for the child to gain his own sexual identity.
Some children realize that they enjoy their bodies, especially in the preschool period. They may engage in sexual organ playing, touching, and similar behavior. Some may continue this to attract attention. In this case, it would be best to direct the child's energy to another area.
The basis of sexual education is that the body is personal to the individual. Personal boundaries regarding this should also be respected for the child; such as not undressing in unwanted places, not showing one's body to others, not entering the toilet with the door open, not making exaggerated or humiliating statements about one's gender, and not threatening. Each of these approaches are approaches that may affect the child's sexuality in later ages.
One of the main purposes of sexual education is to teach the child to protect himself and his body.
Dear Parents;
Children's curiosity in sexual matters is just like their curiosity in other subjects. It is safe and healthy. The important thing is to meet the child's information needs correctly. You can use various books as tools when communicating with the child on this subject. You can get support from an expert when you need it.
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