I belong neither to the town where I was born nor to the city where I live.Right now, in front of my psychiatrist, as I say these sentences, I am just trying to understand. While trying to get my life in order, we start talking about the things I don't belong to. I was only six years old when my family and I had to immigrate from the country we were in to another country. I now had an unfamiliar language, a school, and games that I was hesitant to participate in. Maybe I was different from the others, and they made me feel that I was different too. When I thought this was my home from now on, I went to another city after graduating from university. Afterwards, due to my profession, I always came into contact with different cities and different people. So much so that after a while I learned not to mourn, thinking that I would leave these people anyway. When I got married, I thought I had a husband and a home to belong to.After a year and a half of my marriage, although I tried short-term relationships, I was unable to maintain my emotional relationships. Maybe I deliberately chose people for whom I would fall short. Now all I feel is “tiredness” and “loneliness” … I experience rejection at the end of every relationship. Even though I would like to think that I am not in pain, the feeling of reluctance and worthlessness that follows heralds a new period of depression... The pontoon continues to shake, loneliness never goes away...
A sense of belonging is one of our most basic needs. Belonging to a city. To be, to a group or a person... With this feeling that develops at an early age, the individual strengthens his social and emotional bonds. He leaves loneliness and isolation behind with the thought of being a part of something. Once the need for belonging is satisfied, the person feels that he/she is a meaningful, important and valuable part of the environment he/she is in. The sense of belonging, which is intertwined with the development of the self-concept, also goes hand in hand with the feeling of trust. First we belong to a home. In our adolescence, we want to belong to a group. While we search for the answer to the question of who am I, the concepts we belong to provide support. We share our loneliness with our group. For example, in our adulthood, we remember our childhood in difficult times. If we have a home where we once belonged, with people. Our bees remember them and we will be happy. We deal with problems better depending on the existence of social and emotional ties and how strong the sense of belonging is. While we evaluate our own meaning according to the fulfillment of this need, we also internalize the people and concepts we belong to by giving them meaning. When deciding how meaningful others are, we try to understand their feelings and thoughts and value their emotional needs. The individual, who understands that the sense of belonging is accepted in his/her presence, adopts the idea that he/she is rejected in his/her absence. Their relationships are shaped accordingly. In the absence of a sense of belonging, depressive symptoms occur more frequently. Ideas of being rejected, unwanted, lonely, and adaptation and behavioral problems occur. However, when social and emotional bonds are established healthily, the individual experiences the restorative effects on mental health of being able to share his feelings and thoughts with others and belonging. He starts to hope. Feeling loved and respected, along with being able to connect, will leave loneliness and depressive complaints behind. Remember that the feeling of belonging is your basic need. Listen to this need, which you will encounter especially during adolescence and adulthood.Hoping that you can satisfy your need for belonging instead of those to whom you cannot belong…
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