One of the most important factors in child development after meeting physical needs is parental attitude. The behavior of the mother and father, starting from pregnancy, is the cornerstone of the child's formation of his/her self-perception and identity. Because the first people a baby sees from the moment it is born are its parents, and therefore the baby understands and makes sense of the world and itself through them. He learns that he has boundaries thanks to the rules set for him, and that he is a lovable person thanks to the love shown to him. Many parents are uncertain about how to behave towards their children and do not know what the correct behavior is when they encounter a problem. So what are the correct behaviors? How to make the child feel loved, how to set rules?
MAKING RULES
The most important point here is stability and harmony between parents. When you set a rule that you want your child to follow, you must first follow this rule. Because children learn by watching and modeling. They do what you do rather than what you say. That's why you should start doing the things you want him to do first. More importantly, once you set the rule, you should not step back and be consistent. For example, you said 'no' to your child who wanted to eat ice cream before dinner, and he started crying and fussing. The biggest mistake you can make here is to say 'okay, go ahead and eat your ice cream, just keep quiet'. Because when this is done, the child learns that if I cry and scream enough, they will give in and I can make them do anything I want. This means that the child does not know the rules. Therefore, when you say 'no' to something, you must stand by your word no matter what. Over time, the child learns that his efforts do not yield results and that he must obey the rule, and he stops causing problems.
Another important point is that the mother and father are in agreement. If one says no and the other says yes, the child uses this situation to his advantage and starts to manipulate his parents. He/she sees the parent who says no as bad, and the parent who says yes as good, and can exploit emotions through this (e.g., 'My father allows everything, but you always say no, you are a very bad mother'). Remember, those who are adults and have the authority to make rules It's you, not your child. If you don't make the rules, your child will. This prevents both himself and other people from learning their limits in a healthy way.
The child's sleeping and eating patterns should also be subject to rules. A bedtime should be set and the child must be in bed at that time, even if he is not sleeping, he must stay in bed from that time on. Also, he must sleep in his own bed, in his parents' bed, not with them! Times for meals such as breakfast, lunch and dinner should be determined and these hours should be followed. Meals should always be eaten at the table; Not in bed, on the sofa, or in front of the TV! The child should eat whatever is cooked at home that day and what other family members at home are eating. If there is a meal that he does not like very much, something he likes can be cooked alongside it and he is encouraged to eat both ('If you eat a little of the okra, you can also eat pasta later'). However, it is entirely up to the child to decide how much he will eat at each meal. It is not right to force the child to eat. If he is not eating at all, he can be encouraged a little, but food should not be forced into his mouth. He will definitely eat when he is hungry.
SHOWING LOVE
In our culture, it is very common to squeeze, hug and kiss children to show love. However, this is not a very correct approach. Of course, one of the best ways to show love and make one feel loved is to hug and kiss, but it is wrong to do this by force when we want to. Because when we do this, we violate the child's personal boundaries. The right thing to do is to hug and kiss if he wants too. To understand this, it is enough to simply ask questions such as 'can I hug you?', 'can I kiss you?'
Just as we can show love physically in this way, we can also show it verbally. Don't be afraid to say 'I love you' to your child. However, you should avoid using expressions such as 'beautiful daughter' or 'smart son'. Because these words give the message to the child, 'I love you because you are beautiful', 'I love you because you are smart', and encode the child's thought, 'If I am not beautiful, if I am not smart, they will not love me'. In other words, he attributes his likability to beauty and intelligence. Love of other people throughout life She tries to be beautiful or smart to win his reputation. Therefore, what needs to be done is to make the child feel that he is loved unconditionally. Don't put any adjectives on your child, just love him.
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