Saying no may be difficult for some of us, and there are very meaningful explanations for why it is difficult. If we say no, we are often afraid of offending, angering or upsetting the other person. But being able to say no is very valuable for a healthy communication.
When saying no,
Approving the needs, desires and needs of our interlocutor.
Declaring to the other party what you do not want to do through I language.
Comedy movies allow me to have a very enjoyable time, but right now I prefer to watch heavier movies. (I language)
Red is a really great color, but I would prefer a more pastel color for my room. (I language)
I understand why you want to go to bed so late, but I'm uncomfortable with you going to bed so late. (I language)
I understand your rush, but I have other work to do right now. (I language)
I understand that you are worried about this, but I cannot fulfill your request for now. (I language)
I know that asking you to reduce your personal expenses upsets you, and it is very difficult for me to ask this, but the coming months seem to be difficult.
Mutual approval and the importance of the other person's needs and desires. Saying it and then conveying our wishes will make our relationships better. We certainly have legitimate reasons to hesitate when saying no. When our minds start listing the negative things that could happen if we say no, we have a hard time saying no. Possible negative scenes in the future are displayed in our minds, and although we are the only ones watching, the viewing rate is very high because we watch this movie many times. If we say no and the negative scene we anticipate is staged in real life as well as in our minds, it becomes almost impossible to say no if we believe that we cannot cope with this situation. However, if you watch that negative scene in real life, if you work on what you can do in that scene, being in that scene may not seem so scary.
An example;
A: I want you to cut off the branches that come to the roof of my house, my roof is my roof.
B: Nothing like this has happened so far, I think there is nothing to worry about.
A: I think the branches are dangerous, I request you to cut the branches.
B: Even after we die, those branches will remain there, don't worry.
A: I'm worried about the branches, I ask you to cut them.
B: Why are you so disturbed out of the blue?
A: These branches are right at the top of my roof. I want you to cut them down just in case.
When saying no, you need to be careful about using the language, so that you are less likely to get into an argument with the other party. The important thing at this point is not to give the other person a weapon to use against you and not to get into an argument. No one can argue with feelings and needs.
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