The moment that includes the dreams of fairy beauty that have been dreamed of since childhood has finally come... What is this stress and question marks that appear at the end of dreams that always contain joy and beauty? Is the answer that has been yes for years turning into 'no'?
It begins with domesticity in childhood, the meaning that society attaches to the institution that makes togetherness meaningful. This game played among girls involves excitement with the start of school and is carried to the brain with the interest in the opposite sex, this interest is even more internal and platonic. With adolescence, its concrete flowers bloom and sometimes secret meetings occur. It takes its name from going to the movies and trips: 'dating'...
With the concept of profession developing in high school and university, dating moves to a different dimension, turning into togetherness, the word 'partner' becomes special and future plans begin to be talked about. With their sides. Marriage is approached on its own terms, families sometimes object and insist. The result is: 'I will die without it'...
After a while, everything becomes clear and sweet. The families meet; that is the moment: the girl. The behaviors that develop immediately after the request begin to be criticized. Because there is nothing left to deal with anymore. The eager excitement of the day before gradually prepares to give way to 'I wonder'...
Clarity replaces excitement with question marks and suppressing logic.
The couple, who were fighting together before during the preparation processes, now start to fight each other.
Here the pre-marriage syndrome has begun...
I wonder if there is a better one, now I will wake up with him every morning, but am I ready for this? He always asks where I am. I think he will always follow me (he was doing the same thing before, but he valued me then)..mmm, will I be able to go out whenever I want? Will I always be accountable to him? (I was informed about it when I was in love, too)..And I am without my mother. I can't do it, I wonder if he will get his thoughts, we should look for a house close to him... My wedding will definitely be wherever I want, I will get married once, he doesn't even think about it...
The stress that makes you tired during this process and causes burning in your stomach and loss of sleep. It is the question marks above, not the work done. It is the feeling of not being sure and whether the things you want are suitable for marriage or not. All the concrete things you do now. The preparations are the product of your dreams, the moments you look forward to with excitement, and the question marks they bring with them begin to get in the way... How can you cope with all this and always remember the special day with a smile...
First of all, experiencing these moments of indecision is a very normal and necessary situation. ….You are making a change in your life and you should be impressed. You are changing roles... it shouldn't be that easy. However, you should complete the process in the healthiest way by finding healthy answers... I'm sure you don't want your face to turn sour every time you remember that holy day.. For this reason; It should be given during the period and it should be known that two different individuals with different culture, family life, education, social life and interests are getting married. If your aim is to try to make your future spouse like you or to give up on yourself so that he/she is happy, this is the first point where you are wrong. This is the first point where you are wrong. Marriage may not last as long as you think. Until you made this decision, different aspects of you were attractive to you and you always talked about them. Trying to be a single character may lead you to look for a new different character in the future, be careful!
Two groups with their own characteristics. Think of them coming together. There is a common intersection, marriage should be just like this, reinforcing common areas and not criticizing no matter what the other party's decision is, telling your own truth but still being supportive.
Support is the best part of marriage. It is a big building block and maintains its dynamics. It should be protected from the moment the decision to be together is made, and these situations are the moments when Respect is embodied. The hairdresser you go to is not remembered; however, your lack of support when going to the hairdresser is in front of you like a salad at every meal. You are setting up a separate house and the material and spiritual key to this place should only belong to your spouses. You will see the color of the walls every day and it should not be your mother who determines this color. Being dependent on your parents is an indication that you are still not mature enough to marry; This is one of the most important issues to pay attention to: determining the boundaries.
Unless your husband-wife boundaries are clear, the dynamic in marriage will constantly flow outwards. r and problems begin.
Just as your marital status changes; There will be changes in your life and behavior, at least partially. You are no longer the only one, and since you are not the same, there will definitely be points that you cannot agree on. The problem is not not being able to agree, but resolving this disagreement; I think this is the point that gives meaning to marriage and ensures its continuation. Are you ready for the changes and responsibilities that will come with marriage?
If you think that you are not ready before marriage and you have concerns, do not hesitate to get professional support. Getting the support individually will be more effective than the support you will receive during the marriage process. Despite these, if your decision is yes, if there are only problems that arise in the preparation for marriage; You will not use it as a dining table. Your image in the photographs, not the magnificence of the place, will show that this day is special. Your lover will not only be your spouse there, he will be your spouse in your next life.
Dialogues encountered during this process in marriage;
10 years after the wedding Then, during a picnic with friends, there was a disagreement between the spouses and an argument began.
A: I don't get anything I want anyway, you are always like this. (The people around made no noise and said they thought it was okay)
B: Why am I always like this, am I selfish? I...
A: Yes, you know everything, you know, it has been like this for years... You couldn't even make me happy at my wedding, I got married in a place I didn't want to.
B: Well, we went back and forth and came again. 10000 for 10 years. We talked about it a few times, can we go back? Did we have these conditions at that time? Did we have these conditions but I didn't do it? .
RESULT: Cooling down between spouses, not talking..
Emotions: Tension, anger...
Reality: Lack of a magic wand. Continuing expectations that will cause disappointment...
QUESTION: Is it important that you marry your spouse? Or is it how you get married?
As this dialogue continues, the spouses will become emotionally distant and take on the role they call friends. If it is considered that there is no emotionality and that receiving attention is also a need, this attention; A third person will also start to be sought after. Regardless of your role, no one wants to be constantly criticized and found inadequate. This As soon as this happens, defense mechanisms emerge. If there are emotions, they sometimes turn into anger and there is an argument. If it still continues, the situation continues to be avoided and not talked about. If it still continues, mutual sharing decreases with moving away from home and situations that are considered important and valuable are sought...
The marriage will remain alive as long as you can see your spouse as a REWARD, not what your spouse does as a reward...
If the important thing for you is to wake up together from the wedding morning;
Don't worry, no one will remember your wedding as much as you do. .
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