Hello everyone, I'm Nur Sena ER, Psychological Counselor/Family Counselor. As an adolescent, adult, couple working psychotherapist, he often examines the structure in the family and the client; I care about determining the position, duties, wishes and obligations of the desire chest. Because family is our gateway to the society, and it shows how to love, to be loved, to be accepted, to be marginalized, to reject, to be rejected, to be afraid, to be surprised, to react or become unresponsive; In short, we see and learn about emotion and the systematic of thought transfer here. I say we learn here because children do not question their parents and the family they were born into, from almost early childhood to adolescence, they accept it as it is and choose the point of origin. Let's explain this together with a metaphor. A language is spoken in every family, and in order to survive, we learn and start speaking this foreign language without question. In most cases, the structure and origin of the sentence is not investigated and accepted as it is. Take, for example, the word "accept". It is not questioned who first used it where, how it settled in that language to express this meaning, or who thought of bringing the letters k-a-b-u-l together to give such a meaning. In fact, if he says the same word over and over again, the person gets a little confused, even wondering where we came up with to say it, but ideas such as changing it and creating a new language are often not passed on. This is our approach to the language our family uses most of the time. From time to time, we see, know and feel some grammatical errors, language usage mistakes, how rich or poor the language is, but this language seems eternal and one. Changing it is almost impossible in our minds. If we have a developed insight, we can begin to realize that there are languages other than this language, and maybe even more beautiful languages, in our adulthood. However, noticing is not always enough to apply.
It doesn't happen all at once that we give up the mother tongue we have spoken for years or try to learn new languages. Because this means predicting the heritage of our family from high to low, that we, who spent a certain period of our lives only with this language, find ourselves in self-criticism. Some mistakes, missed opportunities, justified It is not an easy task to realize that we are wrong in the cases we think we are. It means seeing that the pieces of a 1000-piece puzzle are in the wrong places, and trying to place them in places where they can form a more meaningful whole, sometimes by removing them by pulling them out of their places; change. So the whole experience can be confusing, painful, upsetting, tiring and slow. People often need therapy right here. Even though the stories, experiences and problems are different, 'I have seen, heard and applied like this, but all these remain dysfunctional today, what should I do?' Because our friends, spouses/lovers, colleagues all use a language and we try to adapt to that language from the margins and they try to adapt to our language from the margins and communication starts here. Whatever we cannot adapt, communicate, understand, make sense of, or explain, exiles us towards ways that disrupt functionality. Therapy gives us the hope and idea that this does not need to turn into a life of exile.
Contrary to what is advertised as therapy; it is not a gossip and chat table, so what we want/need/makes us happy for a short time; It does not give us approval, endorsement, patting on the back. That's why it's mostly not enjoyable; it brings labor, effort, lots of confusion and questioning; confronts. Of course, he performs all these duties within the framework of acceptance and courtesy. With our new version, therapy teaches us to be an adult, to open an adult window, structure and remind us of our ability to coordinate these windows in a functional way, and when we enjoy looking through that window, we find inner peace. This is what makes therapy therapeutic. Because every client keeps the solution of the problem within himself, only sometimes he may need a companion on this path. Hope to meet your new versions with inner peace. Be kind to yourself, goodbye.
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