Self-confidence means being at peace with oneself and one's environment and being aware of one's positive and negative aspects. A child who is loved by his/her elders, who finds the closeness and attention he/she expects when he/she needs it, whose ideas are valued and taken into consideration, who is trusted and given responsibilities, who is praised for the things he/she does well, who is proud of, who is allowed to make mistakes in what he/she does and who is accepted as he/she is, has self-confidence.
IMPACT OF THE FAMILY ON LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE
One of the reasons for inadequate development of self-confidence in children is overprotective families. These mothers, who shower their children with love and affection, take on all kinds of work so that their children do not encounter any difficulties. In this type of family, the mother does what the child needs to do, thinks on behalf of the child, and does not give him too much burden. In fact, this is an educational mistake made with good intentions. Taking on all the responsibilities of the child is a huge risk; because the child cannot gain the ability to solve his own problems. A child who is exposed to this type of behavior develops the feeling of "I can't do it." This is a feeling that reduces self-confidence; The child feels inadequate, insecure, and cannot do anything without asking his mother.
In order for the child to move forward and embark on life, he must take risks, make his own decisions, and solve his own problems. If the child cannot do these, he cannot develop his own identity and becomes a person who is afraid of life, runs away, and leaves everything to someone else.
Another factor that reduces the child's self-confidence is that perfectionist parents overdo the criticism. A child who is constantly criticized feels stupid, inadequate, and incompetent. Let's say the kid brings in a bad report card, most of his grades are poor, there are a few good ones. Families usually look at the report card and ask, "Why is this one weak? Why is that one weak?" They ask the child to account. Meanwhile, they do not forget to criticize the child's personality. However, the right thing to do is to say, "Look, well done, you got five from this, you got four from that." How will you fix these weaklings?” To motivate the child to success by making a sentence like this. Then the child feels valued and taken responsibility.
TO DEVELOP CHILDREN'S SELF-CONFIDENCE
1- Their existence is for you. Make them feel how important it is. Tell them that your love for them does not depend on their success or failure, that their existence is important to you and that you will always love them no matter what.
2- Help your child reveal his/her unique talents. Every child has different characteristics and abilities. Support your children to research and discover new things by providing them with the opportunity to participate in activities in line with their interests and abilities.
3- Show that the things they do and are interested in are important and valuable to you. Ask about the activities they participate in and the things they are interested in, go to shows they attended at school. Share with him an article or a picture you read about things he is interested in.
4- Create an environment in your home where everyone trusts each other. Children who can easily share their feelings, thoughts, love, successes or failures, and disappointments with their family members become self-confident. Instead of responding with "It's not as bad as you say" or "It'll be okay, don't worry", take their feelings and thoughts seriously.
5- Keep your expectations at the level of most of you, avoid expectations that will exceed them. Every child has a different capacity and level of ability. Even though you know your child cannot do something, do not expect it from him and end up disappointing him. Aim for goals that they can achieve and ensure that they are successful.
6- Give your children responsibilities. Children who are trusted and given responsibility feel useful and important.
7- No matter what they do, make them feel safe with love. Discipline your children, but never do it with anger or strict rules. Disciplining them should not be in the form of giving strict rules and harsh punishments. Children know very well when you act unfairly. Don't shake their trust.
8- Spend time together. Find common activities and spend time together.
9- Make words that will increase their self-confidence. Express their contribution with words such as "Your help was very useful, thank you" or "Look, I hadn't thought of this, I really liked your idea on this subject." Show that you value their feelings.
10- Discuss problems with your child without blaming him or criticizing his character. When children have problems related to themselves and are attacked or talked about without criticism, they make an effort to solve this problem. Speak to him about what he did, not about his character. For example; You are angry because your 4-year-old child threw his toy onto his sibling's bed while he was sleeping. "You're a bad boy!" or "Don't!" Instead, you can say, "I feel angry when you throw away his toys. You could have really hurt him." The message here is that your feelings are directed towards his specific behavior, not his childish world.
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