To your partner in your emotional relationship; Are you attached or addicted? Relationship addiction is a situation that occurs when you start to show excessive devotion to your partner.
The contents of sentences such as "I can't live without him", "I can't give up on him no matter what he does", "I feel incomplete when he is not there" always refer to an addiction. It is possible to say. Unfortunately, if you have made your partner the center point of your life in relationships that continue in this way, if your relationship does not add anything to you, on the contrary, it takes you back from where you are, but you still cannot leave your relationship, if your desperate acceptance has started and you believe that your life will be ruined in case of separation, you will gradually start to lose your self and become a dependent relationship. It means you live in it. These relationships cause an unhealthy cycle and chronic unhappiness.
Both the person with dependent relationship patterns and the person to whom they are dependent are unhappy in their relationship. While relationships and communications should exist to make people happy and develop people; Although dependent relationships may seem like a happy relationship at first, over time they become unhealthy and harmful to both parties. Both parties feel this, but they cannot take the first step towards a solution.
An individual with dependent relationship patterns begins to feel intensely negative emotions such as constant resentment, rage, fear, jealousy, anxiety of loss and abandonment. He loses the value of the moment and the chance of being happy with the questions and negative emotions that he cannot solve in his inner world. Because his thoughts are constantly directed towards his partner and the anxiety of losing him. Addiction in relationships does not seem to be a problem at first. Because in relationships, if one of the partners shows too much interest in the other, the other party will initially like it very much. But over time, this interest evolves into addiction. In order to establish more closeness to his partner, to stay connected to his partner and to get closer, the person who shows more interest because he thinks that his peace is indexed to the person he is dependent on and therefore that person is indispensable; k He ignores his own needs and acts according to the rules and wishes of his dependent partner. In order to be more liked and accepted by his partner, he acts against his own self and lives an 'as if' life. The addicted person begins to do whatever the person he is addicted to tells him, without questioning or ignoring himself. He believes that the feeling of happiness in his life depends on the person he is addicted to. There is a very intense fear of loss, abandonment or being alone here. These fears are experienced so intensely that the addicted person can no longer feel happy and at peace due to the intense attention on him, being treated like a satellite around him, feeling like he is constantly being controlled, and the guilt of his sense of responsibility. He often says to himself, "We are making a mistake somewhere." There is a state of unrest.
Are you dependent or overly self-sacrificing?
Sacrifice can also be described with the word self-sacrificing. For the continuation of relationships, it is important to care about our partner, to make sacrifices and to make them feel this. This must be done selflessly and with love; However, in some relationships, since the boundaries are not clearly drawn, sacrifice and addiction are in a state of 'intertwining'. Although 'given' and 'received' are seen as equal in healthy relationships at first, over time it is seen that this is one-sided in dependent relationships. By constantly making sacrifices, they suppress their own needs. Focusing on his partner's needs and caring about his partner's feelings rather than his own may seem like 'sacrifice' at first, but it becomes unhealthy enough to cause permanent damage to both parties. Over time, in the relationship, "I did everything for you and this was what I got in return", "you don't know what I sacrificed for you." Sentences like these are made. This will cause conflicts in relationships. In order for relationships to be sustainable and healthy, self-sacrifice must be made with mutual love.
What are the main characteristics of relationship addiction?
People who see themselves as inadequate or worthless. , may tend to exist with their relationship. However, many are not even aware of the addiction.
Low Self-confidence:
People who are addicted to relationships think that they are not 'good' enough. They are unaware of their own abilities by constantly 'comparing' themselves with others. They constantly criticize themselves and blame themselves for faulty situations. In Bilateral Relationships ' They think, 'I should take a step back.' They are not aware of their own limits and think that they have to constantly make an effort to be loved.
Trying to please people:
Trying to make someone happy is a healthy desire that should be present in relationships. But for people who are addicted to relationships, there is no other option other than making their partner happy. The word 'No' is the most basic word of not being loved for them. As soon as they say no, their relationship will not work and they will constantly have to meet their partner's needs and feel happy. He thinks he has to sacrifice to achieve. If their partner is upset or angry, they experience constant inner unrest with the thought "it's my fault, I have to fix it."
They have an extreme need for approval. While giving you great life energy, if you make decisions when you hear negative comments about yourself from those around you; If you don't hear someone say "that's great" when you do a job, if you feel like you're missing a part of yourself and you doubt your skills, there's a problem with your self-confidence. Exactly, relationship addicts have a great need for approval. If the goal of their lives is to see who they are in the eyes of others and how they are perceived, then things get out of control. This leads to addiction in their relationships.
How does relationship addiction manifest itself in a relationship?
By saying 'A person who loves gets jealous'... Jealousy is an emotion that can be considered normal when experienced at a certain level, felt after losing something that one loves or has. However, from another perspective, jealousy is an emotion that affects the private sphere of the relationship between couples. It occurs when a threat is detected. Extreme jealousy; It is an unhealthy and abnormal reaction resulting from other emotions such as fear, anxiety, and insecurity, and it prevents love from being experienced. Jealousy indicates a person's unhealthy judgment and sometimes his/her distrust of his/her partner. We can also think that jealousy arises from the person's lack of confidence in himself/herself.
True love includes trust, tolerance, sensitivity to the needs of the partner, and a balanced attitude.
How to move from unhealthy addiction to healthy commitment?
To be dependent or to be addicted? The first describes healthy behavior patterns, while the other refers to unhealthy ones. Commitment, on the other hand, is established through love, loyalty, care and tolerance, which makes both parties happy. After understanding the difference between being attached and being dependent, it is useful to follow some steps if you suspect that you have an addictive nature, considering the characteristics described above.
You must be willing to change. Automatic behaviors and reactions have become habits and you should know that it takes time and effort to get rid of them.
Know yourself well and review your expectations from the relationship. Your priority in the relationship you have been in until today has always been your lover. You were planning every moment of your life, everything you would do, according to your partner; you were always ignoring your own wishes. Now it's time to think about yourself. Therefore, be aware that you need to learn to say 'no' to the issues you do not want.
Have boundaries and make time for yourself. Think about what you did before your relationship, what your hobbies were. Maybe you were doing sports, maybe you were playing a musical instrument. Have special time for yourself.
Follow your own needs. Be aware of what you want and expect from the relationship.
Give up managing and controlling others; By focusing on your own needs, you will be able to stop looking for the feeling of security by trying to change others.
Be patient. It is a must for other options to be effective.
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