Jealousy is a complex and negative emotion experienced as a result of fear of losing a person or a relationship. This feeling, which is felt towards many people and situations in many periods of life, manifests itself most in the relationship dynamics between siblings in childhood.
Every child is jealous of the newcomer, and this is very natural. In the most harmonious sibling relationships, this feeling is experienced even by the child who seems to have accepted the situation from the beginning. What is important at this point is; Avoiding behavior that will increase the child's jealousy, trying to provide him with the tools to cope with this feeling, allowing him to express himself at every opportunity and encouraging him to do so, and most importantly, assuring him that his love for him has not changed.
Sometimes short-term and periodic jealousy, especially at the beginning and when the sibling starts to walk and talk, can become permanent and severe in some children. At this point, parents should review their existing attitudes and make some changes. In cases such as violence against a sibling, getting help from an expert when necessary will prevent damage to family relationships and enable a more peaceful and satisfactory family life.
What Can Be Done?
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Parents should give this news to their children from the first day when the mother starts sharing the news of her pregnancy with her close circle. If the child accidentally hears this news from anyone other than his/her parents, it may have devastating effects.
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Parents' new arrivals to the family The individual's anxiety about their child's behavior and thoughts is felt by the child. Children are unaware of adults' behavior He notices even minor changes and is affected by them. For this reason, first of all, parents should be calm and act naturally in this regard.
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The child should be involved in the preparations for the baby, It is important to consult your brother's opinion regarding his name selection. Including your child in this process will prevent him from alienating himself.
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Before pregnancy, if all responsibility for the child's care falls on the mother. If so, the father or a close family member should start sharing this responsibility with the mother during the pregnancy. This prevents the child from feeling neglected and the routine he/she is accustomed to being disrupted while the mother takes care of herself and her newborn baby in the final stages of pregnancy, during birth and in the postpartum periods.
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It is important to cognitively prepare the child for possible changes. Have conversations with your child about such changes and let him express himself about them. Encourage him to express his feelings and thoughts. Explain to your child what needs a baby may have. It is very important to express both verbally and through behavior that there is no change and that you will always love him very much. If parents allocate separate time for him/her and show that they value him/her, it prevents the child from feeling left out, neglected, or unloved as before, and prevents his/her self-confidence from being shaken.
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Avoid behaviors that encourage rivalry between siblings. Giving your sibling an example to do a behavior, Attitudes such as criticizing the baby's behavior to show that you love your child are one of the most important reasons that increase sibling jealousy. At the same time, praising someone or highlighting someone when you are with your children is also a wrong attitude.
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You are constantly saying to your child, "You are the big brother, you are the big sister." Approaching him with the words "you have become a child" will cause him to feel pressure to suddenly grow up. He also needs to live his childhood to the fullest. For this reason, such discourses should not be repeated constantly.
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It is not right to expect siblings to always get along and get along without arguing. Of course, there will be arguments and disagreements. At this point, the correct attitude would be to let them solve the problem without intervening in minor discussions. Thus, they are supported to develop their problem-solving skills based on such experiences. In violent arguments where you need to intervene, do not prioritize one over the other; taking sides in arguments triggers jealousy. "Who started it?" Instead of taking sides with the other by asking a question like this, apply equal sanctions to both in punishments or deprivation. For example, if an argument broke out due to not being able to share a toy, you can take the toy and tell them that the toy will stay with you until they solve the problem between them.
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If the child is with his sibling, If he/she shares negative posts about it, he/she should not be condemned. Such an attitude causes him to become withdrawn and cautious about expressing himself. Instead, it is important to try to turn negative statements into a rational attitude and give him the impression that you understand him.
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The feeling that the family is a whole. It is important to give. In this respect, activities done together become important. Planning and implementing activities in which all members of the family will participate will help both the new member of the family and the child feel whole.
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