I took the public bus recently. A mother tells her child, "Stay calm, otherwise I won't take you out again." It was said. The child stays calm for a few minutes, gets upset, and then the mother warns again. Then the child moves again and the mother says, "Look, your brother did this, I didn't take it off, I'm not taking it off. If you don't stay calm, I won't take you off again either." he repeated. I looked at the child and a scene like this came to my mind: The child had grown up, lost his self-confidence, and perhaps had social phobia, and knocked on my door, asking for psychological support from me, wanting to get out of this situation. So I was really sad. I wanted to write an article like this about this. I hope it will be useful.
Many parents probably experience this situation frequently. But how should parents behave in such situations or other similar situations? How can he behave so that the child does not lose his self-confidence? No matter what he says, the child does not cease to be a real individual. Whatever he says, the child will not have any difficulties in his future life.
First of all, the parent should try to understand the child's feelings. He should make the child feel that he understands what the child wants to do. We need to make the child think: Wow, my parents understand me. So the child should be able to feel understood. In the meantime, if you want, let's adapt this to the world of adults so that our awareness can develop more, see how you feel. Let's say there is your spouse, brother, sister or another adult next to you and he wants to move a little, maybe change his position, maybe stand up. And you turn to him and say, "Look, relax, otherwise I won't let you out again." or “I won't go out with you again.” or "Just relax, what is this?" Think about what would happen, what would happen, how would you feel? What does your interlocutor feel and think? Moreover, this person is an adult and this adult can prevent and control the urge to act. However, the child is someone who cannot even control this, on the contrary, this desire to act is in his nature. Also, I cannot help but mention this: inactivity is contrary to the nature of the child. Please think about how right it is to expect a child to stand like a candle. Think about your own childhood. After explaining these, let's show the dialogue that should take place.
Mother: I think you want to move.
Child: Either says yes or nods his head in approval.
Mother: You're tired of standing here like this, aren't you?
Child: He makes the same move again.
Mother: Do you know that I have this desire that you have? I want to move too.
Child: He is surprised and laughs.
Mother: But isn't the car in motion now?
Child: Yes, mom, the car is very big. He's moving fast.
Mother: If he makes a sudden movement, don't you think we'll lose our balance?
Child: Yes, mother.
Mother: When we lose our balance, we can fall down and get injured, right?
Child: Yes, mom, we can get injured badly.
Mother: How about we be a little more patient for that reason? What do you think?
Child: You are right, mom.
Unfortunately, our communication with children is really very negative. So what else is going on? Let's think about a dinner. Everyone is at the table. Mother puts food on plates. Of course, our thoughtful mother puts a lot of food on the child's plate because she thinks about the child and his development, and says that she should not leave the table until that plate is finished. Even if the child causes trouble every time to avoid eating the food put in front of him, he knows that the mother will be the winner and eats her food. Or, as a child, I am full, but since my mother says so, I am not actually full, but hungry, because mothers know everything. He wonders if he has mysterious powers and eats his food again. Therefore, in the light of these thoughts, the child will eat the food put in front of him every time and will probably become obese and the mother and child will go to the dietician. Another possibility is that the child will whine about not eating the food, and if there will be a problem, the mother will force him to feed it. But teacher, you say it's all well and good, but if we don't do this, the children won't eat anything and they will turn out to be skinny. Well, dear mothers, think about your childhood. (or the childhood of others) Mothers give bread to children, sometimes that bread is smeared with tomato paste, sometimes they are given dry bread. How eagerly they ate that bread, how quickly they finished it. Because those mothers would not force their children to eat. Even the child comes and asks the mother because he is hungry. he would like a female. After that, our current mothers complain: Sir, our children are very unhappy. No matter what we do, we can't help it. Of course he won't be happy. You don't buy a toy for the child, you buy extra toys, you add extra food to his plate, you never take the child out and when he does, you protect him extra. It's not for nothing that they say too much of anything is bad.
Well, let's get back to our topic. When serving meals, should the mother put more or less food on the child's plate? In such a case, the child should be told the following: Wouldn't it be better to buy as much food as you can? Because when the food stays on the plate, it goes to waste. Throwing this food away is disrespectful to God, who gave us these blessings. Then, disrespect to the farmer who contributed to the growth of the food in this dish, and then disrespect to the grocery store uncle from whom we bought it. Then the disrespect for the money that allows us to buy these things. Then wouldn't it be disrespectful to our Father, who earned that money, and then disrespectful to me, who cooked and prepared these meals? The child will probably say, "You're right, mom." And if the child is strong enough to take his food, he should take it himself. If not, he should ask the child, "How much food should I leave on the plate, mommy?" and leave it on his plate. This behavior will contribute to the child's personal and moral development, and the child will not become obese. In this way, we will have one less person in the fight against obesity.
I would like to give another example and finish my article. All three parents and children are at home. The child painted a very beautiful picture. He wanted to show the picture to his father, but at that moment the father had a serious argument with the mother. The child is constantly pulling his father to show him the picture. At one point, the father turns to his daughter and says, "Here you go, daughter" and the girl shows the picture, but the father returns to his argument with the mother. While the girl is waiting for her father's appreciation when she shows her picture, she realizes that her father is continuing to argue with her mother. Finally, the daughter asks the father what would have happened if you had looked and turns back, while the parents continue their discussion. Who knows how many times this scene has happened in how many homes in my hometown? How many children have perhaps been hurt and upset in this way? So, my dear psychologist, what would you do in such a situation? Are you a ibi? What would I do? Let me tell you. First, when my daughter pulled me, I would bend down to my daughter's height, look into her eyes and say, "Can you wait a minute, daughter?", I would try to finish my conversation with my wife (or I would ask my wife, "Can you wait a minute?") and turn to my daughter. In this way, I would make them both feel valuable.
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