Of course not to your child! There are situations when you have to say: Sometimes to protect him/her from danger, sometimes to set boundaries... So how do we say no?
In fact, when we think about it, we see that adults set boundaries by saying no to each other in their communication.
But adults are different, they empathize with each other. They set boundaries because their skills in human relations and communication skills have developed. On the contrary for children..
In an adult-child communication, the adult sets limits because he sees himself as the highest authority level, but does not empathize because he thinks that the child will not be able to understand him. On the contrary, adults expect the child to empathize.
“But look, you make me so sad.”
“You broke my heart so much.” With sentences like.
The message we should give to children when setting limits is actually this: "He understands me and tries to protect me."
"No, you can't go up there, you'll fall!" instead of “I know you really want to go up there, but I don't want you to go up there because it's dangerous.”
“No, no chocolate!” instead
“Yes, you want to eat it so much because it is delicious, but you cannot eat it because it is unhealthy.”
“You cannot hit your friends at school, this is not right.” instead of “Your friend made you so angry that you wanted to hit him, but it wasn't right to hit him. If he tries to hit you, you need to protect yourself. Come on, let's try how to do it.”
Actually, our main goal is to make him feel that we are trying to understand why he does what he does. After doing this, when we set boundaries, there will not be as much tension in the relationship between us and the child as saying no and cutting corners.
After a while, you will see that this turns into a form of communication. A communication full of empathy!
Without forgetting; Make sure that you have to say no. Unless it is a real risk, saying no in any case will lose its meaning in the child's eyes. So you should use it in appropriate situations…
How about trying it consistently?
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